mad at myself

Have you ever been so mad at yourself for something you did?

I am a procrastinator. Have been all my life. I put things to the last minute. Went down to the tax office to get out of the car to go inside see that the line went out the office door so walked right back out. Didn't have time to stand and wait needed to head over to my parent's house.

After finishing running errands with my dad went back to stand in line. I was the last person when the guy in front of me asked if I could hold his place in line. I don't know why I asked him what he needed to do when he said he had to go to the store next door. I said okay. As soon as I said okay and he walked off I had regreted saying it. The line was extremely long. But I was to blame for waiting to do it. I didn't see him come back so I just wondered if it was my turn and he just decided to wait too long to come back. Then I told myself that I waited in this line for thirty minutes already with the rest of the people waiting for their turn. The line still constantly moving and people had already been lining behind me. Remember I'd been waiting for thirty minutes when I was second to be called. Out of nowhere the guy came up to me to get in line. I was mad. I asked where and what did he do?  And why he was just now coming back. I questioned him as if he was an ignorant person. I was mad. I made him repeat himself three times before I understood him. He went to get a receipt. All I could think was if he had gone and sat down somewhere while I saved his spot standing in line. I was so mad. How was it that he came right in time to be called? I was so mad. I wanted to say I hope we never meet again. I was so mad.

I was mad at myself. I would have never told someone to save my spot, and here I was allowing someone to ask me and I let it happen. I was mad at myself for having my guard down to be nice. I was mad. I'm not nice and he took advantage of the fact that I would say yes. He never once thanked me. And as I write my madness down to tell you, I'm still mad at myself. I can tell myself that I won't let it happen again but it might. I'm not a nice person so he caught me off guard.

I am still mad at myself.

Petty if it be but what made him so special that he didn't have to stand in line?

I am still mad at myself.