just a plain hello will do.

One day you realize that being alone is the best thing one can be in this world.

I was going through my cell phone photos and came upon one that I hadn't realized I took of myself. I'm assuming I went to put my phone away and as I was doing so realized the application was still up and running. It didn't look posed made me think of how people see me.

Then I realized that I'm alone in this world. Deep down it's hard to talk to someone because there is no one to trust. I find that when someone asks how I'm doing it really is to talk about themselves than really care about my answer. Realized that I'd never had that friend that you can call and they will drop what they are doing to come and hang out just because. I realized that I do better being a loner.

I've always been the one to be there when a friend needed me. They call on Gabriela and sure enough she'd show up. The one that stayed with you at the hospital when your closest friends didn't show up. The one that had the money to bail you out when I was the least person to have called upon. The one that witnessed you become a grandmother for the first time but you chose to drop me to get drunk with people that don't care about you. The less people I know the less problems I make for myself.

Realized that its hard to please the people that surround your life. I don't even try anymore. Hard to trust someone with the smallest secret because one day that person you trusted won't be in your life anymore and now they have that small information that you shared.

I think I reached that point where no matter what is said about or towards me it can't harm me because I've just shut down. I keep to myself. I don't talk to anyone anymore. It's pointless. I just want to be left a lone.

I was helping a man today. He wanted to know why I wasn't showing any emotions. He couldn't understand that I showed no feelings.

I am determined to be that old lady that you see at times that is always by herself. The one you wonder if she has family.

There is this place we like to eat and every time we go we always see a woman of age go and eat by herself. I always wondered if she is lonely. I don't wonder about her anymore.

This isn't a pity cry. It's just don't question why I've become this person.

Just a plain Hello will do.

that one time we went on that hike.

Was looking forward to sleeping in on my Saturday off. Being an adult is hard at times to just stay in bed while the earth just keeps rotating but eventually I have to get up.

On a day like today I look for signs. Wonder if what is needed from me will suffice. Woke up extra early to pass to the donut shop before seven. I was getting some breakfast for when I pick up my niece. We had to be in Lewisville at eight. She was going on a fossil history nature walk. Helping her earn a badge for girl scouts. We don't really bond like when she was much younger. She is growing up and is becoming a young lady. I was reminiscing when I'd pick her up from day care and would put her in the car seat. Now she was riding next to me in the passenger seat. And I was telling her about learning how to drive. The years pass fast when you are old, at least that's how it feels for me. I'm wondering if she liked the fact that I accompanied her instead of her mom. Things I think about that a regular tia wouldn't ask herself. When we were done and heading back all I asked was if she enjoyed herself on the adventures.

I was looking for a sign this morning. A sign that would give me reasoning for waking up early and knowing she'd be okay with me taking her.

When I went to the donut shop this morning I glanced over to my right as I was coming in the door. I saw a woman, a man, and four girls, the oldest was probably ten years old. They were all eating at a round crowded table. When I finally turned to leave with my order all I could hear were bye Daddy's. All four small girls trying to fight over each others words so that Dad could hear them each tell him bye Daddy. He responded with a bye. I looked at them and smiled. He had his work uniform and the girls still had their hair messy from when one walks up. They had all managed to wake up extra early on a Saturday to join their dad to eat donuts before he had to run off to work.

It reminded me of my mom and my sisters at that age. How my mom managed to handle four girls while my dad worked.

This was my sign. At our young age we didn't have a tia to help us. We just had each other. We didn't get to know what extra activities we could do besides trying to drive our mom crazy.

My sister had me to help her. Maybe one day when Gema is older she'll have that story that goes something like this........remember tia that one day we went on that hike and it was really humid?

My sisters and I never had that.