Do not open

The page reads, "everyone has happy and sad days just like Anne."

She talks about how mean people can be, how sometimes someone says something they don't mean to say but say it anyway. How sometimes you tell your parents something but they don't listen. She mentions how that happens sometimes but not a lot. She says you have to keep ignoring what others say in order to have happy days.

If only that was true. It doesn't matter how old you are, things people say will always bother you. I think the older I get the more I can not ignore it. How can I have happy days when the things that people say get worse. A new year and a new president, what can I expect? In one week I've heard so many negative things about the person that I am, but only because of the color of my skin. How can something derogative be ignore? Especially when it keeps being said. I expect more bad things this year than good.

I found this journal at the thrift store. I love finding other people's books. This person never finished but the first three pages of her journal. She meant to write more in it since it also read, "reward if found." Do not open written all over the front and sides. It became a forgotten book. It stood out from the rest when I was in the book section. Glanced through the pages and this is what it said. Hopefully this week it will be the same without people disliking the brown skin I'm in.

lucky enough to find baby Jesus

Remember reading of the times when three kings went looking for a special child. A child born that would be different from the rest. The child had been born and they went to find him to give him presents.

Friday was not just an ordinary day. Around one in the afternoon it began to snow. It's rare when it snows here in Texas. I happen to be at work. People would come in and tell me that they had bad news. They'd tell me there were snow flurries coming down. When the weather decides to be abnormal all I want to do is go home cuddle on the couch and watch a good movie with a cup of coffee in my hand. But that day was a little extra different. My plans were to go to my parents house and eat some bread. Didn't make it in time to do so. I ended up getting home really late. Not late for me but past my parents bedtime late. Texans get really nervous on the road when the weather is bad. We get nervous because there is someone out there that thinks they are immune to wrecks.  Someone taking risks with their life and the lives of others.  Heather and I ended up eating the bread ourselves. Some but not all. I ended up bringing some to my mom today. She was happy I did. We didn't grow up with this tradition. The kings bread (Rosca de Reyes) it is a round shaped sweet bread with the colors that represented the three kings and their presents. January six is said to have been the day the kings found the baby born, Jesus. When you buy the bread it has little babies to signify the baby Jesus. I always assumed the baby Jesus would be baked inside but times change and now the babies come separate and are placed inside right before it is cut to share. If you are lucky to get a baby Jesus from your piece, you are to make tamales and have a feast to share with your family. Some of us are lucky to not get the baby Jesus only because they don't want to host a dinner party and make tamales. I on the contrary think it is a blessing if just the thought of finding the baby Jesus. People go through life wanting to know him, and some have a hard time finding him not knowing he is always there.

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I may not know how to make tamales but I can surely buy some to have that feast. I took some of the bread to my mom today and I purposely put in a baby Jesus. Why you ask? Because she makes the best dang tamales I've ever had. I mean who doesn't love their mom's tamales, made with hard work and love. So come February if she is too tired to make some I'll buy them and bring them for the feast.

I asked Heather for a piece of three kings bread. She handed me a piece with baby Jesus right on it, I think she is giving me hints.

promising what may never come true

As a kid you say things to your parents that you mean with all your heart and promise them that it will come true when you are older.

I woke up early on my day off to make it out to see my sister with my dad. I don't get to go often as I should but when my dad is driving it helps. I've learned that I am unable to drive for longer than forty five minutes without falling asleep on the wheel. Dad started talking about the things that I said when I was little and I'd sit there trying to remember when I said it.

When I was very young I told them that when I was older I'd buy them a big house so that we could all live together. Little did I know that we would all have our own families. When I was young I said that I'd have all the money to take him to all the continents to travel the world. He'd always mentioned how it would be to see Germany and Paris. See their history and their museums. I promised him that I'd take him. We were pretty much reminiscing. I started to feel an emptiness in my self with the fact that I thought at such a young age I'd be taking him places by now. He said to me but you were young and you did mean what you said but things happen. Things did happen and some I'd like to have done differently.

It's the beginning of the year and I was already planning in my mind how differently I'd do the holidays when I realized it's still going to be a long year and I don't know if I'll still have a birthday myself or one more Christmas with them here. I realized that as the days go by the less time I have with my parents. My dad will be seventy years old and my mom sixty-six this year. They both still work because that is all they know to do. My dad tried the retirement thing, but didn't enjoy it. He was missing the idea that he still had to be useful. My mom can retire but says that if she can still work why not. But time is still running out.

A woman lost her husband on Christmas day this year 2016. On Christmas day, no one is ever prepared for something like this. Four days later she was telling me of his death. I believe it hadn't really set in, that fact that her husband was gone.

I hadn't noticed because I always drive my dad around. I'd drive him around, not because he couldn't, but more of the idea that I believe all parents at one point enjoy to be driven by their children. I noticed today that my dad is getting slower at driving on the freeway. He has become one of those people that get complained on for driving slow on the freeway. That his hands aren't steady on the wheel anymore. That they shake. My time is running out. My time of promises may not ever come true. He may never see that Eiffel Tower or set foot on the grounds of the holocaust concentration camps. He is a history man and is determined to buy a Pearl Harbor movie to watch. Then it hit me, I hope I can have him again this Christmas.

Maybe I will get lucky enough to take him on that promised trip.