Christmas on Polaroid Film

Some of my favorite Polaroids

It was a Saturday afternoon and I happen to be in Grapevine. I saw a house in the middle of the street hidden to the side with a sign that read estate sale. There were no cars I saw a white truck get close as to stop but just kept driving. I got out of the car and went through the garage door that was opened. I went inside and found people talking. They were a few decades older than me. They were talking about what they were going to do with so much stuff still in the house. Cabinets that had not been opened in years. I saw this glass bookshelf in the kitchen filled with cookbooks. I began to look at things on the floor and drawers that still had things in them. I made my way to a room in the back. The room was a huge bathroom with closets. Strange to find closets in the bathroom. To my left his cloths to my right were hers. I like to find unusual things. He loved wrangler shirts and had boxes filled with memories. Her closet had shirts with flowers. I could see how she was his flower. As I'm wandering inside the house from one room to another, I hear them worried about what they were going to do with so many things still in the house. One suggested getting some college kids to help and pay them with money and pizza. When I go to an estate sale, I always leave something behind that I regret not getting. I told myself that I was not going to do that anymore. I had been looking for a cheese grader I know silly right. To my surprise I found one hiding in a top shelf. I've been wanting one to put my earrings on. I'm going to paint this forgotten kitchen ware to place my earrings. He gave it to me for free. As I was leaving, I asked if I could buy a box of photos I had come across. When I went into his closet there were boxes of memories, papers, notes, and photographs. Something that I do in my own home. He asked if I could show him what I was talking about. He followed me and I opened the shoe box and grabbed a box of polaroid film. He gave it to me. I said, "are you sure"? He said he had no use for them, and they would probably end up in the trash. I was a little sad but really excited that he was giving them to me. I like collecting photographs. People I do not know, I try to make out their story in the photos. My parents did not have the money to capture our photos when we were little. I grew a passion for photography. People do not print them as much anymore. I still print mine. Of course, I do not print every single one but at the end of each year I save my most favorite ones and get them printed. I know one day I'll get older, and I'll want to sit and look at them. I liked taking pictures and not knowing what they were until I got them developed. Now in my possession I own a box of twenty-six polaroid film photos of strangers I've never met. As I'm looking through them, I start recognizing the things I happen to see from that day I stepped foot in that house. I remember the fireplace, the couch, the end table. Some decades later the photos I'm looking at are people in the same living room opening their Christmas presents. On Christmas day 2021 I would be in my living room looking at their photos. They never would have known a person like me would be in their living room. It is just a story but not just any story It is my version of a Christmas story. 

Merry Christmas, Gabriela

Pick n Pull

 Today I carried my Pa's tool box.

It was during the week that I had a craving for some Chinese food. There is this place in Irving I like to go, to bring some home. I save my fortune cookie to eat it later.  A while later I'm looking for my cookie. I could not find my cookie. I retraced my steps. I knew I had seen it but did not remember where I had placed it. Turns out I had thrown it away. Yes I decided to look in my trash and there it was still in its wrapper. I said to myself, how could I have thrown my fortune away. I opened it up and it read "you will do something different this weekend". I kept it like I keep all my fortunes. Just so you know fortunes are never true or actually happen it's just a fun thing to read. Almost like getting a fortune that belongs to someone else in this universe or just a pick me up note that needed to be read that day. 

It was nearing the weekend and I had that fortune still in my head. I kept thinking what if anything indeed happened this weekend that would be out of my norm. 

A while back my dad had been wanting to go to the Pick n Pull. The Pick n Pull you ask? It's a place where cars end up after they no longer have life. Cars that no longer are drivable end up in a place called Pick n Pull. You search for body parts that you need by picking a car and pulling the parts from it to replace them on your car. It's also a sad reality to think that these cars end here because of accidents. 

When I was little my dad would take me with him. I do not remember if I liked going or if I went because my dad was going. All I remember was that I liked to explore. It was like a playground for me. I used to go a lot with my dad. It was the cheapest way to find parts for his vehicles. As I got older I stopped going with him. 

Forward a few years later in life my close friend turned out to be a mechanic. I became that friend that would accompany him. As he picked parts I would wander around looking for things that amused me. I was an adult feeling like a kid again. I started going with him almost every month.  

On my unplanned weekend I called my dad and said "Pa you want to go to the Pick n Pull?" By the time I got to the house he had his tool box ready. The last time I had gone to the Pick n Pull was over a year ago. I'm going to go ahead and tell you that I was more excited than usual to go. It's not a place for children and not a place for women. If you have ever gone to a Pick n Pull then you can see It's not a safe place for children and it does not have a woman's vibe. There is an entrance fee but because I'm a lady I got in free. I laughed a little inside when he said ladies get in for free. It felt like the times the ladies get in for free at the club. We wandered up and down left and right till we found what we were looking for. We hit the car part jackpot it felt like the car was there waiting on us.

The years are catching up with my Pa. He does not carry the same strength as when I was little. As he would stop I would walk around to see what I could find. I do not know if he ever lost me when I went with him when I was a little girl. Now a grown woman calling out for my Pa because I lost him. 

You would be surprised with the things you find at a place like this. Since I like taking photos it has a totally different meaning for me. When I would go with my friend he noticed I would take pictures and there would be times I think he would take me so that I could explore. My Pa would take me so that he would have company. 

I guess you could say that for once my fortune cookie came to be true. It's a place out of the norm that I ended going to this weekend. I try to keep memories like this with me. When I would go with my friend it reminded me of when I was little. Reminded me the times I would go with my messy hair and come home with my dirty grease hands.  

When it's time to leave you go to the front desk to pay for your car part. What made this an awesome visit was the person at the desk let us have the part for free. Crazy to think about the things that bring me joy. Maybe fortunes in a cookie are meant for oneself to make them happen. 

Music Man

I had gone to my parents house late in the afternoon. I was pulling up to the driveway when both were getting out of their car. I question them like if I was the parent. I ask where they had been, how they be running the streets instead of being home? They had came from an estate sale down the street. They asked if I wanted to go? I mentioned if they would want to go again since they just left. They without hesitation got back in the car and drove back to the home. It was a house hidden down a hill. In all the years that my parents have lived in their home I had never been down this street. I walked in and the first thing that caught my eyes was a box of  vinyl records. I was going through them when a lady approached me and asked if I liked records? I told her that I've always liked having one or two. Strange how they are coming back to life. She stepped away for a few seconds came back and said if I give her a few minutes there was a box of old ones in the shed. She had called her son to see where they had remembered they saw them in the home. As I looked through the house I could tell it had belong to a man, no sign of woman belongings. He was a military man. He had his military gear through out the home. I was standing in the living room with  a brown couch with yellow carpet. If you went to the back yard it was like stepping into a forest. You couldn't see where the backyard ended. Trees and bushes filled the back of the house. I could picture an old man enjoying coffee early mornings just seeing nature come to life as the sun came up. A breath of fresh air. They found the container of old records and brought it in the the living room and asked me to go through them to see which ones might catch my eye. He had small ones in a tin box. The kind of tin box used to carry tools in. I went through them but didn't recognize any of the names. Old sheets of music that if you touched them the ink would be erased. It would become lost music. I realized not only was he a military man but he loved to square dance. Most of the records in that box were of square dancing. I know he had a love once because his daughter was the one now selling his things. As I was about to leave I saw an instrument that looked like an old guitar. I'd never seen one like this before. It was made out of wood and the strings were metal like fork prongs that came up from the guitar. If played you would place it on your lap and fling the prongs towards you to play music. I asked how much it was? The guy married to the daughter told me it was a rare vintage instrument. I wanted it for that reason. Just something cool to have. I didn't buy it, I regret not getting it. A few months later I saw it in a documentary. It was being played in the film. A family in Asia was sitting in a circle on the floor and the daughter was playing the instrument. It made sense now how a man in the United States was probably stationed in the military over seas and had brought it home. Had I bought it when I had the chance it would have a different meaning to the instruments story. We tend to hold on to things that have meaning. Here was a man that really just enjoyed music. I'll call him the music man.

This was the day I came home with The Johnny Cash Show vinyl. It was the only thing I bought. A vinyl that will remind me of the music man I never had the opportunity to meet. 

Finding Gloves on New Years Day

• It was the very first day of the year and I was on my way to Arkansas. The drive was nice and calm I could feel the gears shifting driving between the mountains. Fog filled the air. The plan was to check out The Crystal Cloudscape at The Momentary Museum. I drove checked into the hotel then headed over to the museum. I wanted to go in December but I got sick and the last day to see the exhibit was January the third. I wanted to see the museum but honestly it was to get away. To go for a drive to a designated destination. I couldn't travel last year because of the pandemic. So decided to plan this last minute trip to start off my year. While others were celebrating this day with family I was in a place where no one would know me. I'm always surrounded by kind people. At the museum the tour guide began talking to me of course I told her I had traveled five hours to get on this yellow ladder to see the garden

• 
  
  

• 
  
• She began telling me where I should eat but from my excitement I forgot. I asked her if it was walking distance so that I could explore more but considering it was already dark and getting late she suggested I drive. Once I left the museum I googled a place to eat. It took me to a restaurant in their downtown square. I choose the cheeseburger I mean why not. I had other waiters come by my table to say Happy New Years to me. I know I looked out of place. I was the one that looked native and the one that drinks coffee with their cheeseburger. My waitress gave me a coffee to go. It was nearing eight and I went for a walk. As I began to walk I spotted some gloves on a bench next to them was a wrapped gift. The gloves were new still had the tags. I thought maybe someone left them there by accident. I walked the whole square even went to a Wal-Mart right on the square. I had not realized I was in Bentonville, Arkansas. How crazy to have it there but the Sam Walton museum was just a few feet away. As I was heading back to my car I saw another gift hanging from a pole. Once I saw the second one I felt like if they were for me to find. I didn't spend Christmas with my family. I still didn't pick either gift. I left them there for someone else that might have needed them. At that moment I realized I didn't get a present this Christmas it felt different and even though I wanted to be nosey and see what was inside the wrapping I felt that there was someone else that might have needed them the most.

I felt good knowing that there are kind people that actually leave small gifts for people that might bring them some joy. It was really cold that day those gloves would have come in handy for someone. I thank God for Google Maps. On my way back home the next day it took me through the country side of Arkansas a place hidden from the city life. It reminded me of the roads traveled through Mexico. I saw some abandoned falling down old homes. I wondered at times why I traveled though this road. Soon it started to snow. As snow was falling it gave it a different feeling on this country road. Seeing the white fall on the trees that lead to the woods. It was a feeling I couldn't explain. Reminded me of something my dad said right before I left. I called my dad the morning first of January the year twenty-twenty one to tell him of where I was going. He said if it shows signs of snow turn around and come back home

               ..Here the day it actually was snowing I was coming back home. 

Sandalwood

I got up early Saturday morning determined to go to an estate sale. I put the address in my maps app and when I found out how long the drive was I was hesitant. I had the morning free and knowing I had nothing planned I went for the drive. Eight on a Saturday morning heading to Fort Worth. There is something about an estate sale that gets my attention. It's a totally different feeling than stopping at a garage sale. I arrive to my destination come in through the back of the house. Nothing catches my eyes not even the bin of dollar books. What is so special about an estate sale? Let me tell you my version of why I enjoy going to one. You walk into someone's home. You get to know that person by what they had in their home. I take it like a small museum of a persons life. The things they collected, the places they have been too, or the way they lived their life. In most cases it's when who lived in this home are no longer here to tell you what they were doing when they went on vacation and bought that cup, what they cooked in that now vintage crockpot, and what party they went to that they wore that dress. Many memories lived now for sale. When you leave to never return you leave with nothing. All your possessions get left behind. You will not know who gets what or if it gets trashed. Through these past few months I've learned to part with my memories. Trying to become a minimalist is hard but refreshing.

As I walk into the kitchen through the living room and pass a hallway I make it to a back bedroom. The floor was filled with beautiful shoes still in their boxes. Shoes only meant to be worn by someone that loved fashion. Shoes knowing that they were probably over twenty five years old. Beautiful colors some that would belong in a fashion magazine worn my models on the runway. She wore every shoe in that room yet managed to keep them vibrant and neat. I asked for the sizes but none could fit my feet. For someone like me to have been able to walk this ground with a pair of those shoes would have had even my mom asking were I got those shoes from and how much did they cost me? I was inside a home where a fashionista had lived.

Before I was about to leave I made it back to the kitchen next to it was the garage made into a din. A table full of jewelry was on display. A big box made to put earrings in was sitting on the table. I started to go through them. Earrings I knew I would never see again. Earrings that matched some of those shoes in the other room. I was going through them when a husband and wife came in asking about the owner of the house. I tried not to be nosey but they were standing five feet away from me. The owner of the house had been diagnosed with cancer this past October and she lost the battle. She lived alone, her brother in another state and a sister living in east Texas. When she found out she was sick she wanted to stay. She didn't want to live with her siblings. Here it was almost three months later and she was gone. Her friend of forty years checked in on her from time to time. She never had children and her family all lived far away from her. Her friend became a family friend and she was the one in charge of selling her things and in two weeks putting the house up on the market.

I'd like to say that the bracelets were a gift considering how much she gave them to me for.

I didn't say a word, didn't even look up to see them. I tried not to feel sad. I was about to leave when I stopped to look at the earrings, had I not stopped I would have never heard the story. I don't know why I'm meant to hear some stories.  I waited for them to walk away to check out. I got me seven pairs of earrings. I picked out the ones I knew I'd wear. She gave them to me for fifty cents a pair. I did ask that one question some of you might be thinking? I asked if she ever married? The person at an estate sale is normally not related or friend of the home so she told me she didn't know. She wanted to know if I wanted to ask the friend telling her story. I said no. In a way it was best that I didn't know. I just wanted to know if she had loved that great love that we get to live at least once in our lifetime. But I'll settle with knowing she had the love of fashion. The kind of love that shows in the colors of her outside soul.

Sandalwood the house on the corner in a Fort Worth street angled to meet both sides of the street for whomever passed by wouldn't have imagined the rainbow that lived inside.  

You are one lucky human being

Ask this question? Ask your significant other if they are willing to listen to you as you tell them what interests you? I've seen my sisters grow into the successful woman that they have become. They are strong individuals that will not take failure in their daily life routine. Over the weekend we saw my baby sister take her final journey across the stage as she is now a Nurse Practitioner. I do not know how many days she thought about giving up. I do not know how many times she would tell me to pray for her. Her husband probably saw her break in tears, tired from lack of sleep, and skipping meals to try to get to the finish line. She is not the only sister I have with a supporting husband. All my sisters managed to finish their degrees while with their husbands. They are still pursuing their continuous education as they continue to add to their names. Soon I'll also have a sister that has been working on her doctorate. I do brag on my sisters because it wasn't easy growing up. There were hard times and to see them achieve their dreams is knowing that anything is possible. I always tell them how lucky they are. They have supporting husbands that will go through the struggle to see their woman succeed. Whatever goals they have their husbands know how important it is to them. When you have a spouse that wants to make a better way of living and you are with that person you also gain from their achievements. Be that supporting individual that wants the same thing for your family.

Texas Woman's University 2019

Today I was helping a man that is from South Africa. I don't know how we started the conversation but he gave me his story and it made me feel good. He had just graduated the university while being married and raising six children. He has two in high school, two in middle school, and has the last two in elementary. He named all the schools they go to. I couldn't believe he was able to achieve his dream. He said "I need to set an example for my children". "I come from South Africa and have raised them in my culture ways even though they are born here". He showed me his picture they took of him as he walked the stage. I could tell he was so proud. His professors couldn't understand how he managed to do it. I knew how he managed to do it. He has a loving wife and family beside him supporting him. He has family to give him the motivation he needed to get to his finish line.  Here I was looking at a man that was starting to show his grays. I was talking to a man that is now a graduate of Finances with a big smile of pride on him.

Some never achieve their dreams. Some depend on others for support. Do not rely on someone else to make you want to do better. If there is something you want to finish, then finish it. If you are with someone and they do not want to see you succeed then they will only drag you down. Always do it for you but if you have someone supporting your dreams then by all means you are a lucky human being. Always be with someone that has the same vision as you do for if you do not share the same vision it only will ever just be a blur.

The story never ends...….

Ten Year Challenge

I'm going to share a little about how I've become to look like what I look like now. It has taken me through a journey and I can not seem to stop. You see I exercise when the rest of the world is probably at home sitting on the couch watching a series on their cable TV. I don't have cable, I know that alone is strange. I do watch TV but I tend to watch movies. I feel like it takes from my time. I have come to use my time differently than what I used to use it. I have a membership to a gym that I do get to use when the weather outside is unbearable. While you are indoors in the warmth of your home I'm outside walking and running two miles up to five times a week. Yes it's cold outside but man I can be covered in sweat. I enjoy the feeling of how my body feels after working out. I don't think I'd ever say that. My sister told me the other day that she went out in the cold to do something similar as my workout and told me she didn't know how I do it. Don't get me wrong sometimes when I exercise I cry. I cry out of anger of pushing my body to work harder. I cry because I realized that I have to work harder to get at my goal. I cry because I think about the words used towards me. I cry because sometimes my body gets tired but I know I can not give up. So even though I cry it's a good cry because when I look in the mirror I see my results. It's a good cry because I'm wearing clothes I hadn't wore in ten years. I'm close to the weight I was when I graduated high school and some of you know that's a long time for me. I see myself in the mirror and say damn you look good. I pep myself up. I'm at that point now where I'm building what I call soft muscle. Yes the I still want to look like a girl with muscles. In one year I managed to loose weight I'd gained in ten years. I think about it and I still can not believe it. I told myself that I will not ever go back to that person that I was before. I'm still the same being but with a different outlook. I started this journey when I fell but I got back up slowly. I've managed to stay up and keep going. I keep seeing this ten year challenge on social media so I decided to give it a try. Once I put both pictures together I was embarrassed to even share it because I hadn't realized how I had let myself go. I was too comfortable with what I though was okay. But I keep thinking about it and no, I am the change that I needed to be to realize that I could be better. That I fought with myself to be the look that I am now. I can not say I'll stop because it has become a way of life. I am my own motivator. I wore a dress on new years day something I hadn't done in years. Yes I make heads turn. I just keep walking with the confidence that I've help build up. I don't do this alone. As I'm pushing my body to the extreme I ask God to give me the strength I need to not give up. A body is capable of anything and I know I'm capable of anything. If you try hard enough you will see results. I'm a new me. I'm a better version of myself. So while I don't share the times I'm at the gym or the fact that it's fifty degrees outside breaking a sweat just know I will not give up. I will not give up because I'll always remember those harsh words that became my motivation that led to me saying, thank you.

2019 vs 2009