Christmas on Polaroid Film

Some of my favorite Polaroids

It was a Saturday afternoon and I happen to be in Grapevine. I saw a house in the middle of the street hidden to the side with a sign that read estate sale. There were no cars I saw a white truck get close as to stop but just kept driving. I got out of the car and went through the garage door that was opened. I went inside and found people talking. They were a few decades older than me. They were talking about what they were going to do with so much stuff still in the house. Cabinets that had not been opened in years. I saw this glass bookshelf in the kitchen filled with cookbooks. I began to look at things on the floor and drawers that still had things in them. I made my way to a room in the back. The room was a huge bathroom with closets. Strange to find closets in the bathroom. To my left his cloths to my right were hers. I like to find unusual things. He loved wrangler shirts and had boxes filled with memories. Her closet had shirts with flowers. I could see how she was his flower. As I'm wandering inside the house from one room to another, I hear them worried about what they were going to do with so many things still in the house. One suggested getting some college kids to help and pay them with money and pizza. When I go to an estate sale, I always leave something behind that I regret not getting. I told myself that I was not going to do that anymore. I had been looking for a cheese grader I know silly right. To my surprise I found one hiding in a top shelf. I've been wanting one to put my earrings on. I'm going to paint this forgotten kitchen ware to place my earrings. He gave it to me for free. As I was leaving, I asked if I could buy a box of photos I had come across. When I went into his closet there were boxes of memories, papers, notes, and photographs. Something that I do in my own home. He asked if I could show him what I was talking about. He followed me and I opened the shoe box and grabbed a box of polaroid film. He gave it to me. I said, "are you sure"? He said he had no use for them, and they would probably end up in the trash. I was a little sad but really excited that he was giving them to me. I like collecting photographs. People I do not know, I try to make out their story in the photos. My parents did not have the money to capture our photos when we were little. I grew a passion for photography. People do not print them as much anymore. I still print mine. Of course, I do not print every single one but at the end of each year I save my most favorite ones and get them printed. I know one day I'll get older, and I'll want to sit and look at them. I liked taking pictures and not knowing what they were until I got them developed. Now in my possession I own a box of twenty-six polaroid film photos of strangers I've never met. As I'm looking through them, I start recognizing the things I happen to see from that day I stepped foot in that house. I remember the fireplace, the couch, the end table. Some decades later the photos I'm looking at are people in the same living room opening their Christmas presents. On Christmas day 2021 I would be in my living room looking at their photos. They never would have known a person like me would be in their living room. It is just a story but not just any story It is my version of a Christmas story. 

Merry Christmas, Gabriela

Music Man

I had gone to my parents house late in the afternoon. I was pulling up to the driveway when both were getting out of their car. I question them like if I was the parent. I ask where they had been, how they be running the streets instead of being home? They had came from an estate sale down the street. They asked if I wanted to go? I mentioned if they would want to go again since they just left. They without hesitation got back in the car and drove back to the home. It was a house hidden down a hill. In all the years that my parents have lived in their home I had never been down this street. I walked in and the first thing that caught my eyes was a box of  vinyl records. I was going through them when a lady approached me and asked if I liked records? I told her that I've always liked having one or two. Strange how they are coming back to life. She stepped away for a few seconds came back and said if I give her a few minutes there was a box of old ones in the shed. She had called her son to see where they had remembered they saw them in the home. As I looked through the house I could tell it had belong to a man, no sign of woman belongings. He was a military man. He had his military gear through out the home. I was standing in the living room with  a brown couch with yellow carpet. If you went to the back yard it was like stepping into a forest. You couldn't see where the backyard ended. Trees and bushes filled the back of the house. I could picture an old man enjoying coffee early mornings just seeing nature come to life as the sun came up. A breath of fresh air. They found the container of old records and brought it in the the living room and asked me to go through them to see which ones might catch my eye. He had small ones in a tin box. The kind of tin box used to carry tools in. I went through them but didn't recognize any of the names. Old sheets of music that if you touched them the ink would be erased. It would become lost music. I realized not only was he a military man but he loved to square dance. Most of the records in that box were of square dancing. I know he had a love once because his daughter was the one now selling his things. As I was about to leave I saw an instrument that looked like an old guitar. I'd never seen one like this before. It was made out of wood and the strings were metal like fork prongs that came up from the guitar. If played you would place it on your lap and fling the prongs towards you to play music. I asked how much it was? The guy married to the daughter told me it was a rare vintage instrument. I wanted it for that reason. Just something cool to have. I didn't buy it, I regret not getting it. A few months later I saw it in a documentary. It was being played in the film. A family in Asia was sitting in a circle on the floor and the daughter was playing the instrument. It made sense now how a man in the United States was probably stationed in the military over seas and had brought it home. Had I bought it when I had the chance it would have a different meaning to the instruments story. We tend to hold on to things that have meaning. Here was a man that really just enjoyed music. I'll call him the music man.

This was the day I came home with The Johnny Cash Show vinyl. It was the only thing I bought. A vinyl that will remind me of the music man I never had the opportunity to meet. 

You are one lucky human being

Ask this question? Ask your significant other if they are willing to listen to you as you tell them what interests you? I've seen my sisters grow into the successful woman that they have become. They are strong individuals that will not take failure in their daily life routine. Over the weekend we saw my baby sister take her final journey across the stage as she is now a Nurse Practitioner. I do not know how many days she thought about giving up. I do not know how many times she would tell me to pray for her. Her husband probably saw her break in tears, tired from lack of sleep, and skipping meals to try to get to the finish line. She is not the only sister I have with a supporting husband. All my sisters managed to finish their degrees while with their husbands. They are still pursuing their continuous education as they continue to add to their names. Soon I'll also have a sister that has been working on her doctorate. I do brag on my sisters because it wasn't easy growing up. There were hard times and to see them achieve their dreams is knowing that anything is possible. I always tell them how lucky they are. They have supporting husbands that will go through the struggle to see their woman succeed. Whatever goals they have their husbands know how important it is to them. When you have a spouse that wants to make a better way of living and you are with that person you also gain from their achievements. Be that supporting individual that wants the same thing for your family.

Texas Woman's University 2019

Today I was helping a man that is from South Africa. I don't know how we started the conversation but he gave me his story and it made me feel good. He had just graduated the university while being married and raising six children. He has two in high school, two in middle school, and has the last two in elementary. He named all the schools they go to. I couldn't believe he was able to achieve his dream. He said "I need to set an example for my children". "I come from South Africa and have raised them in my culture ways even though they are born here". He showed me his picture they took of him as he walked the stage. I could tell he was so proud. His professors couldn't understand how he managed to do it. I knew how he managed to do it. He has a loving wife and family beside him supporting him. He has family to give him the motivation he needed to get to his finish line.  Here I was looking at a man that was starting to show his grays. I was talking to a man that is now a graduate of Finances with a big smile of pride on him.

Some never achieve their dreams. Some depend on others for support. Do not rely on someone else to make you want to do better. If there is something you want to finish, then finish it. If you are with someone and they do not want to see you succeed then they will only drag you down. Always do it for you but if you have someone supporting your dreams then by all means you are a lucky human being. Always be with someone that has the same vision as you do for if you do not share the same vision it only will ever just be a blur.

The story never ends...….

Thirty something years later picking shells

I honestly don't remember how old I was the last time I went to Galveston. I remember all my sisters were there, two still in diapers. When we were younger our family along with my Godmother's family went to Galveston. Spent a weekend there. I remember us parking on the sand and waking up to the sound of the water in the morning. One memory I always carry with me was when me and my sister Monica walked up and down the shore line picking up shells and putting them in our buckets. We both filled the buckets half way. We put them beside our car that day as we were about to eat what both our families had cooked. We used to do a lot with my Godmother and her family. Our families became close but as the years grew old we started to drift apart. I wonder if they still remember stories like this one. The next morning when me and my sister went to check on our shells we both grabbed our buckets and as we started to walk away with them we began screaming and immediately threw the buckets on the ground. Small like creatures were coming out of the shells. Yeah those buckets never made it home.

The love of my life

My sister Pati now with her own family invited me to tag a long on their Galveston trip. I enjoy the beach life and spending time with them so I said yes. We went for the weekend. Got all the sun rays we could possibly get. Enjoying the beach life. So many years had passed since I've set foot on these sands. I'd say close to thirty years. My sister Pati is mother to my Godchild. I love all my little ones but this one has a special place in my heart. I'm forever thankful the day I became a Godmother. It was her turn now, she at the age of three was walking down the shoreline with her father picking up shells and putting them in a bucket. Something so simple yet beautiful too see. Her tiny self wearing her little one piece bending down to pick up the shells turning to her father to show and give them to him to carry. When my sister invited me I took it as a small getaway. But this moment in time meant so much more to me than she will ever know. I was here with my father thirty something years ago picking shells down the shore with my Godmother. Thirty some years in the future I would have never thought I'd be looking at my goddaughter doing the same thing in the same place. I had my godmother and now she had hers. We relived the same story. The same experience.

Galveston 

I began to think of how many memories I'd miss because I didn't take the time to just let my mind wonder. I'll never forget this small getaway. The time I spent with my goddaughter. When we arrived she didn't want me to come home. She loved me that day. She doesn't know how much I love her.

One story I'll tell them when they are older is when her and her brother wanted to see my belly button. Belly button you ask? My little nephew was drawing himself on paper to kill some time on the road. He then drew me on paper. I of course had a bigger belly button than him. At that moment he realized he had never seen if I had a belly button. He insisted to see if in fact I had one. I said to both curious minds that I'd show them later. Well as soon as we made a stop it was show time. I was sitting down when they both approached me. You should have seen a three little girl with her six year old brother both squatting down to see my belly button. The excitement to have proved I had one after all.

The exciting life that is my life. Weirdly odd but I love it. I couldn't have it be a boring one.

Just live the most smallest of experiences, for those are what matter in the end.

A beautiful pink fluffy dress

I remember around this time last year, I asked my niece if she wanted a quinceanera. She said "no". She was never big on parties. A big celebration was not her thing. She started high school this year. She was beginning to go to her friends quinceaneras. She like the whole wearing a pretty dress, a celebration of a becoming a young lady. One day she said ... "I actually wouldn't mind having a big party". She has always been a good kid. She doesn't get into trouble and her mind is still innocent and humble. My sister and her husband thought about it and within less than six months decided there would be a big celebration. We had less than six months to plan one of the biggest parties a young girl in our culture would have. She was turning fifteen, my how the years pass. My parents had four daughters and we didn't have one of our own. I don't know how my sister did it. A party that normally takes a year to plan, she planned in half the time.

Our niece is special to us so we wanted to make her day special. Don't tell my sister but the night before the big day I was still working on center pieces. I had gotten sick and didn't have the energy to work on them. The morning came to go to church to finally see her in her princess dress. She has always been beautiful but on this day she wasn't little anymore. You want her to stay as childlike for as long as you can but on this day you realize that those days are slowly becoming the past. It was her day and she knew not to disappoint us. As much as we wanted it to be a perfect day, she wanted it to be perfect for us. She may not realize how much she means to us, but she holds a special place in our hearts. I really enjoyed the words of wisdom that the father told her and shared with us. She was still our little girl. The father asked her if she wanted to say a few words and I could feel my eyes fill with that salty water. She thanked her parents for all that they had done for her. She appreciated their hard work and dedication that they had given. As tears ran down her face she thanked everyone for taking the time to be there sharing her moment. There I was remembering her with pigtails trying at three years to be a young adult. For so long it was just her. She was the only little being in our family. She grew up with her tias. She was well loved by all.

After church I went over and had my sisters tag along to make sure the reception hall was in order. She went like I like to say, cruise the streets with her friends in a hummer limousine. Here was a fifteen year old with a car filled with her friends that wanted her little ten year old brother to tag along. Not many fifteen year olds do that. Even though it was her day she made her little brothers day by having him enjoy the ride.

The time came for friends and family to gather to celebrate and dance the night away till morning. I enjoyed having all our guests share the dance floor, watched her perform with her cadets. We congregated and talked about family, about our birthday girl. How my sister managed to pull it off. How stressed my sister was to make it as perfect as possible. How my niece didn't want nothing to go wrong just so that she wouldn't disappointed us. She danced so elegantly and yet my father said "I didn't know she knew how to dance cumbias". I still don't know where she learned those cumbia dance moves. She had a great set of friends that shared the dance floor with her. I think I even learned some dance moves myself. If something wasn't perfect you couldn't tell because everything just seamed right.

I'll always remember her innocent look giving me a thumbs up on this day. A way of saying that everything was alright. She may have been tired but always kept her smile. Always had that special glow about her. All that mattered was her having the best time of her life. You only get one night why not let it be how you want to remember it years from now. We are a small family but we have many that made our family huge that night. I asked what she thought of her party. She was happy. Those words are what mattered.

So what if I woke up with blisters from dancing all night, or stayed till the tables were cleaned, or packed my car full of over packed centerpieces and left over things, because all that mattered was this one night. The one night in a girls lifetime that she gets to live it up.

We love you our little Gemita, always and forever.

a t-shirt never worn

I've been emptying my home of old memories. I came upon a bag of clothes. A bag of clothes given when someone from my past had passed. While going through the bag one shirt stood out and I kept it. It still had the tags from it never being worn.

I met with my sister half way to have lunch today. My dad sat on one side and my sister in front of me. I had washed the shirt and decided to wear it today. I asked my dad if he remembered Aunt Pat. You see Aunt Pat was a Great Aunt that passed away a couple of years back. My family knew of her through my past love. Here I was for the first time wearing a shirt she never got to wear. When I'd visit my past life family Miemie would wear the same shirt but in a different color. This morning when I put it on it reminded me of Miemie. How her and Aunt Pat, sisters had to have been shopping together and picked out the same shirt. Aunt Pat's was purple and Miemie was blue. Every time I visited Miemie she always wore her blue shirt. I always thought how cool it was for her to have this special Kool-Aid shirt. I'd own my own Kool-Aid shirt. Mine is a teal blue. How I in Texas had a teal blue one and her in Missouri had a blue one. Now I own a purple one. When I put it on all I could think about was Miemie. All I could think about was how Aunt Pat never got to wear hers. The two sisters never got to wear the matching shirts together.

I came home from my family time today about to take off my purple Kool-Aid shirt off when I had a message waiting for me to read. It was my used to be sister n law. She told me Miemie wasn't doing well. She will not make it much longer here on this cruel world. So as I'm about to take my shirt off I start to cry and start thinking about the last words I told Miemie. The last time I saw her she was sitting in her favorite chair working on a puzzle. I bent down to tell her goodbye and that I loved her. She always got sad to see us go but looked forward to our next visit. I said Miemie this would be my last time to see you. She got mad and told me not to say that. But I didn't have the heart to tell her what had been going on. I said Miemie I don't think you will ever see me again, she brushed it off and said don't say that. She asked why I'd say that but I was trying to fight my tears back. She said you are always welcomed but I new it would be the last time I'd see her.

My purple Kool-Aid shirt

I pray for her but especially a family that is no longer mine. The last words Laurie said to me were take this as a death. Take what my daughter did to you as if you lost in a form of death. I don't think she knew what she meant or how strong those words were to be imbedded in me. The death of someone to you personally will never be easy.

Miemie, you will always be in my heart. She may have been a strong hard headed woman but she always showed nothing but love since the first time I met her. Miemie maybe now you and Aunt Pat will be able to wear those matching Kool-Aid t-shirts you both were meant to wear one day. I love you Miemie, my chicken lover collector. Thank you Miemie for passing through a part of my life.

Did I mention I love Barbeque.....thank you

Isn't it crazy how the year is almost over. I don't know about you but a lot has happened to me but I have plenty to be thankful for.

It's tradition when spending thanksgiving with my family to open a bottle of alcohol. Be it wine, champagne, or a shot. My dad buys something new and that night we all share the beverage. We all pour some in our glass and we go around the room and each one of us says what we are thankful for.

This bottle of Barefoot wine was delicious

I cried when it wasn't even my turn. My father starts and we go around the room. Glad that I was still here alive and living. My brother n laws also say what they are thankful for. It's an all family tradition. God is so good to me to have blessed me in many ways even by giving me the men that married my sisters. Never had I thought I'd see the day that I would need from them. You always need your sisters but I hadn't needed my brothers too. They have been such a huge part of my support system. Started with Ruben, he wants me to be happy no matter whom I choose in life. Someone to be by my side no matter what. He knows I love barbeque so he makes sure to cook out when I go visit. He tells me he is happy to see how strong emotionally I am and is thankful that I've been able to independently make it. Fernando, has been there since day one by helping me with my home. I'd call him and even though he had just got off work, he would stop by to help me. He also likes to barbeque for me. He would never want me to be alone at home so he would want me to come over just to even watch TV. Jose I'd never heard him speak his mind and that night he wanted me to know he was thankful to finally see me smile. He says I'm a changed person. You can see a certain glow about you and all you need is someone to share it with. He backs me up with my life choices. I cried, I did. It was an emotional night. I'm in no hurry to find someone to love me for me. I'm just enjoying the people I get to meet along the way. Even then God has sent some interesting people my way.

My family is all I have and I have a very caring one. They will always be there for me cheering me on in the good times and be by my side in the hard struggles of life. I couldn't have asked for more.

I am well loved, well fed, and well thought of. They see me be a strong being. One day they will see me smile in a different way and they will know that it's because I'd find true happiness. God knows I deserve the best and in the meantime I am quite okay.

So I thank God everyday for always being by my side. I thank him for always finding a way to show me that he hasn't abandoned me. I thank him because the original six is continuously growing. I thank God because one thing is for sure is that I won't ever go hungry because my family loves to cook for me.

I may be poor but I am filthy rich in more ways than you can imagine. I'm truly grateful. Thank you

la familia

Family came to town. When your family comes to town what do you end up doing? Love my family we are made up into our own characters. Some play bigger roles than others. When we get together be it here or there we tend to do what we normally do. As a family it's not always the same so let me explain. When we go to Heather's dad's house. We have dinner and make it a movie night be it what day we pick it ends up with a movie. I love movie night I just have to pretend I'm not crying at a sad movie. At my parents it's meeting time or BBQ's. Heather's mom is far, we either go there or she comes here. Hate the fact that she is far but sometimes it's how it has to be. When family is not near you tend to do the things that you know they cannot experience at an everyday. In my case I try not to make them tired with my let's do things. I think I've gotten better with it. So I will share one thing we did as a family when they came to visit this time.

We have a tattoo artist in the family which you can already imagine what happened. Chelsie McKnight was able to make my first tattoo last year so she came prepared just in case we were in the mood to get one. She made the statement..."if you guys want one I brought my equipment!" we just looked at each other. Heather said "do you want one?". I said "well don't know they are painful." Heather had been wanting a small one so we knew she was getting one already. The next statement was... "if you like I have new black light ink" my eyes grew that big expression of confusion and excitement at the same time. So they explained it to me. Just in case you are like me and didn't know it's an ink that will not show on your skin unless you happen to come upon a black light. I said okay if I get one I want it to be an equals sign. I want two lines to wear if I happen to be under black light I want it to show red. Then we all talked about getting a tattoo. We all liked the equal idea so we all had Heather draw on us as Chelsie did her work. You should have seen us taking turns at the "chair of tattooing!". I wasn't getting nervous till it was my turn. Heather's mom went first. She would have to tell you how she felt getting it but how I saw her reactions I just knew it was going to be painful. Bri went next, took it like there was no pain. It was my turn I'm not going to lie. I screamed for her to hurry and finish it. I tend to have them in places that just hurt. I'm not trying to prove that I can handle the pain just trying to have it where I want it. Heather went next. I asked her if it hurt twice since she got two of them. She replied like saying "what pain?" lucky her. Then Chelsie herself was last. Heather drew it and she did her own tattoo. One tough lady. Our evening ended with our living room turning into a tattoo shop. The pain was so bad that I had to call it a night I felt dizzy. Of course it only hurt while she was doing it...and after she finished...and the next day!

You have heard the saying the family that prays together stays together.

Chelsie tattooing Bri

This family not only prayed together but also got a tattoo to make us whole.
This is my family. I have always wanted my sisters and me to share one but that has yet to be seen. I don't encourage the pain but I do encourage that as a family let it mean something.
So on April 13, 2013 Heather and I got our very first black light tattoo from Chelsie McKnight along with Bri and mami n law. I am blessed to have a mami n law that is willing to share something so simple, a tattoo. When she comes back next time I hope my sisters are ready.

Equal meaning I just want no one person to be seen as less than anyone else...just equal.  So if you happen to cross us at a black light party look for my red and Heathers white.

No, we were not drunk we just wanted to share something.

For the record I will not make this a habit. I don't get a high from it. I do however make it meaningful.