Did I mention I love Barbeque.....thank you

Isn't it crazy how the year is almost over. I don't know about you but a lot has happened to me but I have plenty to be thankful for.

It's tradition when spending thanksgiving with my family to open a bottle of alcohol. Be it wine, champagne, or a shot. My dad buys something new and that night we all share the beverage. We all pour some in our glass and we go around the room and each one of us says what we are thankful for.

This bottle of Barefoot wine was delicious

I cried when it wasn't even my turn. My father starts and we go around the room. Glad that I was still here alive and living. My brother n laws also say what they are thankful for. It's an all family tradition. God is so good to me to have blessed me in many ways even by giving me the men that married my sisters. Never had I thought I'd see the day that I would need from them. You always need your sisters but I hadn't needed my brothers too. They have been such a huge part of my support system. Started with Ruben, he wants me to be happy no matter whom I choose in life. Someone to be by my side no matter what. He knows I love barbeque so he makes sure to cook out when I go visit. He tells me he is happy to see how strong emotionally I am and is thankful that I've been able to independently make it. Fernando, has been there since day one by helping me with my home. I'd call him and even though he had just got off work, he would stop by to help me. He also likes to barbeque for me. He would never want me to be alone at home so he would want me to come over just to even watch TV. Jose I'd never heard him speak his mind and that night he wanted me to know he was thankful to finally see me smile. He says I'm a changed person. You can see a certain glow about you and all you need is someone to share it with. He backs me up with my life choices. I cried, I did. It was an emotional night. I'm in no hurry to find someone to love me for me. I'm just enjoying the people I get to meet along the way. Even then God has sent some interesting people my way.

My family is all I have and I have a very caring one. They will always be there for me cheering me on in the good times and be by my side in the hard struggles of life. I couldn't have asked for more.

I am well loved, well fed, and well thought of. They see me be a strong being. One day they will see me smile in a different way and they will know that it's because I'd find true happiness. God knows I deserve the best and in the meantime I am quite okay.

So I thank God everyday for always being by my side. I thank him for always finding a way to show me that he hasn't abandoned me. I thank him because the original six is continuously growing. I thank God because one thing is for sure is that I won't ever go hungry because my family loves to cook for me.

I may be poor but I am filthy rich in more ways than you can imagine. I'm truly grateful. Thank you

a postcard and one year later a scar.

I was thinking how time catches up with you. Heather's mom came to visit us this past week, exactly a year ago Heather was with them in Missouri. She was there for Trevor's heart surgery. A very intense time in our lives. It was time to update Trevor's heart and it was important that Heather be there with him and their mom. I didn't go. I'd be in the way and might have made things worse.

I stayed home what would be a week and a half. I didn't tell anyone that I'd be alone in my house.  I actually enjoyed it for the beginning of the first two days. Went to work and came home. No one but me and the four legged babies. Then it hit me. I really felt alone. I'd never felt this way. Not only did I feel alone but life happened. By the end of the week I felt like having an emotional break down. I don't recall having the time to ever have an emotional breakdown but I was trying to find peace in my life and it was hard for that to happen. In this short time my sister Monica was in a terrible accident. She was able to walk away from the accident in spite of the car being totaled. I'd watch my sister cry hysterically as I tried to comfort her. I thank God that she was okay. The frustrating part was trying to find her racing to get to her without knowing if she was okay and not knowing her exact location. Her phone was damaged in the wreck so she had been using strangers phone to try to get a hold of us, me.

I also took a friend to the hospital. As I was leaving work one day someone stopped me and told me that a fellow coworker, friend was in massive pain without knowing what was causing it. I rushed her to the emergency room at Baylor, when I found her sitting at work crying from the pain I knew I had to take her to the hospital. I was there with her for hours. I don't regret being with her until I knew that she was going to be okay but was also worried for my little ones at home. It was coming up to eight in the evening and I hadn't made it home from leaving in the morning for work. As soon as she got a hold of someone to be with her, I left her. I had been with her for four hours and I was just exhausted. Other things were going on with family that was becoming hard for me to deal with. I still didn't want or felt like I needed help.

loves pizza

I ended feeling horrible and selfish. I'd always had Heather by my side. She'd always been my back up for help physically and emotionally. I felt bad for not having her here with me. Her brother was recovering from heart surgery and all I could think about was why she wasn't here with me. I understood that she needed to be there. Trevor is an important person in our lives. By the end of the week I finally couldn't take the stress and just about gave up on everything. I remember it was heading towards ten at night when I stopped to get gas. it was late dark and I was mad that I was running on empty and even this had bothered me. I got out to come around my car to pump gas when I young female started to approached me. I said " God, I'm sorry but if she asks me for money I'm going to go off on her". As she walks towards me I began to get angry. I hadn't had rest from work, family and now friends that were sick. I was upset that I had worked plus dealt with other obligations in my life that if she asked me for money I was going to just give her a piece of my mind. She said "hello" can I give you something?" I was confused and said "okay".  She handed me a postcard. She told me that I was welcomed to come visit her church. Thanked me and walked away. I got back in my car and burst into a mass crying hysteria. My car was still parked and I just sat there in tears. I read this as God sending me a message that he was still here. That even though I felt alone he was still with me watching me. That night I was able to finally sleep. Two days later I picked Heather up from the airport. One year later Trevor was sitting in our living room showing me his heart surgery scar.

I've always been the tough one. The one that can't feel weakness. The one that is always there when I'm needed. When I felt alone against the world, God found ways to tell me "I'm still here"