feeling empty

I don't think about it I think because she is always by my side. Everywhere I am , she is. Everywhere I want to be,  she follows. I don't ever think about her not being anywhere but by my side.

I love to explore take those small adventurous new places and things that we do.

A couples of friends have told us to go to Turner Falls that we would love it. It's a small trip and that we would enjoy it. I have seen photos of their adventures to this sunny waters place but have yet to go.

One friend came to me and said I miss my husband. I know she does. I miss how we used to go everywhere together. How he would love to take us to small trips. Like the time he took me to Turner Falls. I miss him so much. I miss him at home. It gets so lonely. I know. I don't know what to do to not miss him. And I know she tries her best to hold those tears back.

What do I tell her? People want to be comforted someway but there really isn't a way to do that. Nothing I can tell her will make it better. She doesn't want to think about replacing that empty hole that she feels. She just wants it to get better. It's been a couple of months that he has been gone and she tries to cope but I know she feels alone.

I don't think about missing her I always want her to be with me. So what exactly do I tell her? What would you like to be told to you, if anything, just let me be.      

Lana what happened?

It's Saturday morning and I didn't plan anything because we wanted to save all our energy to go to the Lana del Rey concert. I bought the tickets in December and surprised Heather with the gift. A friend asked her, "hey, does Gabriela know you are in love with Lana"? Heather said yeah. We have listened to her cd in the car at least three times a week. If there were new songs that had emerged we wouldn't know of them. You either love Lana or you don't. Her music is listed under pop but I think it needs a different kind of category. It's the type of music that can make you get lost in time and makes you wander into a different era. At least that's my version.

We arrived late. Took the shortcut through the back of the arena. I've been through the neighborhood enough to know, to beat the car hold up on the highway, there is a faster way to get there. Even though we got there late the show hadn't started. The band Hole was to be the opening act. Lead singer Courtney Love. That's another reason we didn't want to be there on time because we didn't want to see her perform. But to our surprise she came on and late. She wasn't getting a reaction from the audience. She did try but just couldn't get to them. When she came out they cheered thinking it was Lana. The show was sold out and believe me the lawn was full. We wondered if it would go on but it said rain or shine. We bought ponchos and took an umbrella. We waited patiently seated on our neat sheet. When the band stopped playing it appeared as if the stage was being re arranged for the next performer.

fans wearing their flower crowns

Over an hour passed and some were already past drunk and others passed taking selfies, but still the skies were clear of rain. When an automated voice recording came on to tell us that the concert was going to be postponed due to weather. It mentioned a tornado and to take shelter. To proceed to leave and go to our cars. People started turning to their neighboring partner and asked if they heard correctly. We decided to wait and sit back down I think, because it felt like a joke. Others were ranting upset words. I don't blame them. We waited months and were over prepared to see our performer. Some drove from out of state. The audience mostly consisted of the younger crowd but there were adults as well. When some had to phone their parents to come get them it was more of a surprise. My first reaction was to ask questions, but they had closed the guest services. It's like they used all this free time to close up shop and then tell us the concert had been postponed. A guy asked when was the last call for alcohol and the hawker said ten. It was coincidentally ten minutes till ten.

Leaving was another story. Cars were at a stand still. We ended up staying inside our car for another hour before we could actually start to leave. People had her music playing on their stereos. We heard all her songs from others playing them as we headed to our car. It was a musical riot. People were mad. I was more upset at the fact that there had been no rain, not even after we left. They had claimed it was due to weather, but come to find out, she had never made it to the venue. I think that version made more sense. The fact that she was delayed and couldn't arrive on time for a sold out arena. I wonder if they would have told us before would we all have still stayed to watch Courtney. I wonder if they didn't tell us so that they could make their alcohol sales and lawn chair rentals. I do believe an apology is owed. I called the box office but haven't heard back. But I'm probably not the only one that left a voicemail. It's not a bad voicemail just me needing a question answered. A lot of people wore their flower crown and dressed their part for the night, just to have it postponed without telling us what really happened. I know I've had experiences with things back firing, but for us to sit there like we could have had better things to do. For the artist to not have shown up was just really rude.

I'm not the one in love with you Lana but if this offends you then just write a song about it.

Tia

I know it's like a poof going on in your head but I don't remember when was the last time Spanish mothers shared American mothers day on the same day. I'm Mexican I tell my mother Feliz Dia de Las Madres on the tenth in south and central America. It's funny at times when she tells me but I'm in America so I get two presents. One on the tenth and one on the Sunday it is celebrated here. I'm lucky to have my mom still with us. she doesn't like to take photos so I have to sneak one in there at times. My mother is the friendliest person that I know. She has a way with showing her smile and making strangers into friends. The word mom means something different to everyone. When I hear mom all that comes to mind is her cooking. How she always wants to cook for you. She spends the most of her time in the kitchen cooking. She prepares food just in case her daughters swing by. How her grays show more and more and she wishes she still had the strength to look young. So she does what everyone does today well just about, color their hair. My mom has lived through some hard times and if she wanted to she would tell us her stories but I think she doesn't because she herself tries to forget. One of our child hood memories of my mother was when we lived in Oak Cliff. She would invite our tia over and they would go in the back yard and make donuts for all of us. I remember we'd along with our cousins look forward to us playing while they would make a batch. I love my mother dearly just wish our bond was stronger than what she knows it could be.


my sweet mother

I ran across an ad in a child's magazine. Don't know why I read them when I see one It's not like I could relate because then I think about all the time lost just wondering, the what if. I didn't know there is a group called M.E.N.D that helps mothers with the loss of a child. That today being mothers day some mothers are without their child. I have a friend that lost her child this week and how do you comfort her knowing the pain has to be unbearable. Mothers day can be filled with joy just as much as it can be filled with sadness. With the help of social media we give thanks by showing others the gifts that are given to us but some have lost a mother already or their child. Cherish the small things that come your way. Be it a flower from the backyard to the flowers from the store.

one day they will hold each other

I am blessed to have my sisters in my life to have wished me a happy mothers day today even though I haven't been given that gift. Got a giggling video of my nephew wishing us happy mothers day.....happy mothers day to the best tia in the world. I also got a surprise hand made flower bouquet made with the picture of my first born on it. She has become very creative thanks to this pinterest
.

it's me and my sisters with my mother and one of our furry babies (Sadie)

On mothers day I wish my partner a happy mothers day because she cares for all our furry babies. She tends to them in ways you would when babies get sick. Because believe it or not they do get into situations that have consequences later. I ended buying her the Big Eyes movie, haven't seen it yet but she is my artist.

To all the friends and family that have wished us a wonderful happy mothers day, thank you. Thank you for including us on this special day. One of our friends said happy future mothers day, who knows by then we'd celebrate happy mothers day to a bottle feeder with diaper changing baby and our flea bathers one day.

With this said I give all the mothers and furry mothers a Happy rainy yet beautiful day Mothers Day today.

Sourtoe Cocktail.....excuse me.

Have you ever heard of the Sourtoe Cocktail?

this is the page in the book that made me question whether it was true or false
(Learn Something Everyday by Young)

Went to sell a bag of books to the half price book store and ended coming home with a bag of books. I didn't break even. Heather found this book for me title "Learn Something Everyday" by Young . I've been reading the very insightful useless information that only I would care to read just in case I'm on one of those game shows one day. When I came upon a page that read Sourtoe Cocktail. The Sourtoe Cocktail is a champagne seasoned with an amputated toe. Yes exactly what I said.  It is a specialty drink that is served in Canada. I couldn't believe what I saw so I googled it and to my surprise it was to be true. You order a cocktail with a human toe in the drink. Yes try sipping on your alcohol beverage and have your lips touch an old cut off toe that has been preserved in alcohol that began as a joke. You are not suppose to swallow it but pretend it's an ice cube that way it can continue to be shared with others. Although there have been instances where the toe has been swallowed. What started as a five hundred dollar drink is now twenty five hundred dollars. I wonder if in fact you accidentally swallow it does it make you a cannibal. But seriously if you knew whose toe it was would you dare drink your cocktail. If you see the happy smiles on the people that have tried it you'd be like me, eww gross. They have actually gotten toes that have been amputated in the mail. One from a diabetic amputee another from mowing the yard and having an accident. There is a club called The Sourtoe Club go become a member. You still don't believe me look it up. I know it sounds like I made it up, right? And if you still don't believe me go visit this place called Dawson, Canada. Snap a selfie drinking an old probably brownish purple wrinkled big fat toe. I'm sorry I shared this information with you but I just had too because it wouldn't be fair to keep this knowledge from you. By the way the first toe used in this specialty drink was from the 1920's to date there have been nine. Keep recycling that toe.

Holi a festival of colors

I don't know if  you've seen "Outsourced" a movie later turned to a television series but only lasted one season. I learned of Holi watching the movie. I dreamed of one day possibly getting the chance to travel to a far away country to be able to experience this Hindu celebration called Holi. What exactly is Holi? Holi is a celebration of the beginning of spring. The celebration of colors. When spring begins the colors of the earth come out from hiding and are full of life and the feeling that it makes you feel. How many of you love purple, pink, yellow, orange, green, and lets not forget red? When you need a cheer me up you pick something bright. 

I didn't get the opportunity to travel to India to experience Holi. Holi came to me. I learned of it last year, the first ever Holi festival here in the area. Didn't get to go last year due to rain. This year was it's second year and this time I wasn't going to miss it. I'll admit I was a bit nervous showing up and being the only Spanish speaking individual and Heather being the only bright skinned person but I was also excited to go.


We arrived in the parking lot and already wondering if we should turn back around and leave but like I normally do, is I pretend to know what I am doing and walk with such confidence like the phrase says "walk like a boss" into the festival ground. I knew we needed colors so walked right up to the tent where I saw people getting pouches of colors and asked to buy a whole box. The box consisted of five colors: yellow, red, blue, orange, and pink. Depending on the box is what the colors were. They are called Holi colors, spring colors. What you do is cut the pouch open and start tossing the powdered colors into the air filled with festival goers. My favorite was going up to a total stranger and saying happy Holi and touching (caressing) their face with the color. Everyone was so welcoming towards us. They were just a happy crowd. Music was playing so there was also a lot of dancing going on. Food was being sold. If we had yellow and pink but not red a person would come up to us and touch us with green. There was not a bright color missed. I felt like I was in a totally different part of the world. We stayed almost to the end and we did dance to their music.

If you have never experienced a different culture you my friend haven't lived. It was an experience well enjoyed and will be more than glad to attend next year. I don't think I have ever felt so welcomed by a different community in my life time than I had on this day. The day we celebrated spring. Holi is also the beginning of forgetting all the bad and making mends. Me being stubborn that part of Holi would be hard but to help welcome spring with my love and total strangers is my kind of life.

Look forward to it next year. Remember this time next year to say goodbye to winter and hello spring Hindu style, the best way the world could celebrate it.  I also recommend making "Outsourced" the movie a must watch on your list. I guarantee you won't regret it.


Happy Holi friends and enjoy the colors.

didn't even say hello

Was driving home from taking photos of a soon to be three year old. Took me a little longer than expected. The sun was right at the sight where if you don't wear sun glasses you would get blinded by it. Was driving home when I saw something from the ground fly up and land back down on the road. I began to slow down when I came closer. I looked to my right and saw a woman with a ghostly look on her face and a leash in her hand. I look to my right and there was a young guy with a big dog on the side walk. By this point I had made a complete stop on the street and rolled my window down and yelled to the lady if she needed me to call someone. She yelled back and said no I just live up the street. In front of me there had been  a red truck with the outline of a person wearing a straw hat. I'm going to tell you what I think might have happened.

The lady had been walking her little dog, when the dog saw the big dog across the street and wanted to get closer to say hello. The small dog pulled himself in that direction when the leash broke and  ran completely across the street. That's when the red truck hit the dog. It had hit with such force that the dog flew and bounced on the ground. He didn't get the chance to say hello. The lady stood in shock before going in to the street to pick him up. She picked him up like a small baby carrying him on his back with his feet up. She looked at him calling him but he was not moving you could tell he was gone. She carried him with such delicacy as to think that if she moved him he might be in pain. It's when I yelled to ask her if she needed help. She then hurried home. I looked over to see the guy with the big dog and we both nodded our heads and said he was gone.

The person with the red truck you ask?  They knew they had hit the lady's dog.  Wasn't going to stop but decided to slow down. The red truck finally pulled over slowly to the side and waited for some seconds before proceeding again. Not once did they get out or approach the lady. Not once did they ask what they could do. Not once did they say I'm sorry. Not once did they pretend to care.

They had just committed a crime by letting this woman see her baby die right in front of her. The red truck just stopped at the light and made a right turn and didn't look back.

I'm going to say that it was an accident because it was but why didn't they stop? They didn't just kill a stray pup. This pup had a mother that had just happen to take him out for a walk.

strength

What were you doing this morning?  Some Mondays are more interesting than others. I hear how everyone hates Mondays, but I think I might be the only one that enjoys them. I'm off from work so I spend it doing errands with my pops. Sometimes every once in a while I'll get them to myself now that he started working.

Today I woke up a little after four am. I woke up to drive to Irving to then leave by six in the morning heading to Wills Point. My father needed a little help out at the ranch before he actually worked today. He is working to get a tractor but in the meantime we use his small truck to bring out a bundle of hay. It is much easier when a vehicle is used but not today. It had been raining and it wasn't safe to use the truck so we had to physically try to pry it from being on the ground for months and try to push it out where it would be safe for the cattle to get to it. When hay is left on the ground for months it starts to grow it's own grass onto the ground so it would be like pulling a huge pile of grass with your hands from the ground. Try rolling something that has taken over the ground and weighs over five hundred pounds when wet. I would push on one end while my dad pushed on the other. We barely nudged it. I then began to pray and said God give us the strength we need to do this. It wasn't easy but He did listen. I kept yelling in my head "God help us" over and over and He finally did. By the time we were done I had mud inside my shoes. Living the farm girl life this morning.

When I realized what we had just done I thought to myself how I had managed to either have the same strength as my father or the fact that he was getting old and I now have more strength than him. How, when I was a kid, I used to think of my father as the strongest man on earth now and his strength was losing him. 

I don't always get to go the ranch but when I do I'm glad to get to visit with my sister. It's like a silent world out there were no one knows you. Where you can still pump gas first then pay. If you haven't heard of the pump first then pay it's because the world is changing and honesty or trust are values that are becoming extinct.