to the special guy with the red cap

The one time I enjoy going around the room to hear why we are all thankful for this year. Yes we are thankful all year long for the things life throws at us and for the things that are unexpected. There are reasons why things happen that we will never understand. This year the hot topic was family. What are we thankful for?, family. We never know how long we have each other here on earth.

Write what you are grateful for on the opposite side.

Someone had wrote this on theirs.

It was sweet because we were on a date night.

We live on a hill and cutting the grass is a bummer. We have an ally that also needs the grass to be cut. To get to the ally we would have to go down the street to go behind it because we don't have a gateway access to the back. When Heather would go to cut it she would notice that it didn't need cutting. I wasn't sure why the grass wasn't growing or the fact that it wasn't possible for it to need be cut. I kept saying that maybe someone was cutting it for us. I'd say that with such sarcasm as in a fairy tale world. While heading out this afternoon I noticed someone in the ally. It sounded like someone was setting concrete so I looked out and noticed the top off a cap. I noticed it real close to the fence. I needed to leave the house so I couldn't stop to talk to the person but I did notice what was going on. My speculations were correct. He was cutting the grass in the ally with his weed eater. I thanked God for him. If you only knew how thankful I was for him. He didn't have to cut our grass and I hadn't realized how long he had been doing it. I was wondering how I'd find out which one of our neighbors was doing it. On my way back I drove through the ally and did my investigation. I have ways of coming up with conclusions and found out that not only was he our two houses down neighbor but had also cut our next door neighbors grass. He didn't have to do it but he did. What would cross his mind and heart to take extra time to do so. People don't do things for free anymore. All I could think of was the fact that he did it out of the kindness of his heart. He didn't do it to be acknowledged. He did it without us even finding out and for that I am thankful. Now that I know that he had been doing it I will have to surprise him with a thankful gift. He always waves at us when we see him outside and when we saw him today it was an extra special wave, hello.

People always cross us without us knowing the gestures they do in their life time. Too many thank yous go unsaid.

Who are they?

I woke up to read this story on social media about a person name Rocky that has been a janitor at his school for over thirty years. His dedication to the kids at the school has been appreciated by them. They showed him the same respect as he has towards them.

I call her my mini me because she has the same birth month as me and we both were born with a distinctive native face (head to be exact).

You'd be surprised the important role a janitor has on a child's life. When I was going to my first years of school I didn't have friends. I was and still am a weird child. Back then it was a communication issue. I didn't speak English and no one talked to me so you can imagine how lost I may have looked. There was a janitor at school and I still remember his name, Mr. Cox. he always greeted me, smiled, and made small talk but only so that I could understand him. He didn't know it but he was the only friend I had. I went into the next grade and into the next. I then ended up going to the next school. By that time my little sisters began to go to the same school where Mr. cox worked. I'd meet my sisters and he'd still say hello and he remembered my name. He'd tell me he would always keep an eye out for my sisters as long as he was there. By then my English was getting better. He was always so nice to me and my sisters. He would at times try to communicate with my parents when they had to go to school. By the time I was in high school he no longer worked there. I'd like to think he stayed long enough to see my sisters go through the grades. He never knew how important it was for him to say hello and to be the only friend I had. He was the only adult to take time to ask me how I was doing. Maybe he saw me struggling and on my own.

When you see a janitor or a person of maintenance do you greet them by their name? Do you say hello? They are as important as the person behind a desk. I'll never forget Mr. Cox. I thank him for being him.

I went to my niece's school today to have lunch. I sat in a small orange chair. Good news I didn't break it. I sat next to her with her little friends whispering if I was her mom. She'd whisper back and say I was her aunt. I'd hate to ever hear she had been bullied. Times have changed for the better. Here I was having lunch with her surrounded by little friends able to communicate with them while I, at her age, didn't know how to say what I wanted to eat. I loved the experience I had with her. It was my first and it wont be the last.

After watching and reading the story of Mr. Rocky, it reminded me of how important someone with his title can be to the people that know him.

 

spicy or regular ketchup

Having lunch with my dad today like a normal Monday. My way of getting him out of the house and talking. We mainly talk about politics and what is new with the family. How he is feeling? There was a line to order, so I told my dad to have a seat as I waited for my turn. I spotted a particular young individual calling out the numbers and asking people if they wanted spicy or regular ketchup. Some couldn't make out what he was asking but some did. The person in front of me told the cashier how good it was that they had hired him. It really gave us a sense of appreciation for the place. I sat down and told my dad if he had spotted the same particular young individual? He said yes. We all need a job. I told him that if he was able to get one there was no excuse for the people that don't look for one. He called out our number, came to us, and asked if we wanted regular or spicy ketchup. He was so polite. You could hear his fellow associates giving him praise for how good he was working. I heard his manager tell him he wished the rest of his crew were as dedicated as him. No one complained but I was ready to make my stand if someone had a problem with it.

All I could think about was Trevor, and how it would be cool if he had a job. He wants to feel needed. He wants to work. He wants to feel as normal as anyone else. How I wished and hoped that he would get that chance.

We happened to get some good news today. How crazy the world works. How earlier today I was thinking about him having the same opportunities and now to find out he will soon be starting his new job. Heather talked to her mom today and heard the good news. Trevor will be not only in his senior year of high school but also a young special needs guy with a job. So happy to hear that he has been given this opportunity. Can't wait to hear his stories. I'm pretty sure his work stories will be much better than mine. Love the way God hears us even when we don't expect it.

a postcard and one year later a scar.

I was thinking how time catches up with you. Heather's mom came to visit us this past week, exactly a year ago Heather was with them in Missouri. She was there for Trevor's heart surgery. A very intense time in our lives. It was time to update Trevor's heart and it was important that Heather be there with him and their mom. I didn't go. I'd be in the way and might have made things worse.

I stayed home what would be a week and a half. I didn't tell anyone that I'd be alone in my house.  I actually enjoyed it for the beginning of the first two days. Went to work and came home. No one but me and the four legged babies. Then it hit me. I really felt alone. I'd never felt this way. Not only did I feel alone but life happened. By the end of the week I felt like having an emotional break down. I don't recall having the time to ever have an emotional breakdown but I was trying to find peace in my life and it was hard for that to happen. In this short time my sister Monica was in a terrible accident. She was able to walk away from the accident in spite of the car being totaled. I'd watch my sister cry hysterically as I tried to comfort her. I thank God that she was okay. The frustrating part was trying to find her racing to get to her without knowing if she was okay and not knowing her exact location. Her phone was damaged in the wreck so she had been using strangers phone to try to get a hold of us, me.

I also took a friend to the hospital. As I was leaving work one day someone stopped me and told me that a fellow coworker, friend was in massive pain without knowing what was causing it. I rushed her to the emergency room at Baylor, when I found her sitting at work crying from the pain I knew I had to take her to the hospital. I was there with her for hours. I don't regret being with her until I knew that she was going to be okay but was also worried for my little ones at home. It was coming up to eight in the evening and I hadn't made it home from leaving in the morning for work. As soon as she got a hold of someone to be with her, I left her. I had been with her for four hours and I was just exhausted. Other things were going on with family that was becoming hard for me to deal with. I still didn't want or felt like I needed help.

loves pizza

I ended feeling horrible and selfish. I'd always had Heather by my side. She'd always been my back up for help physically and emotionally. I felt bad for not having her here with me. Her brother was recovering from heart surgery and all I could think about was why she wasn't here with me. I understood that she needed to be there. Trevor is an important person in our lives. By the end of the week I finally couldn't take the stress and just about gave up on everything. I remember it was heading towards ten at night when I stopped to get gas. it was late dark and I was mad that I was running on empty and even this had bothered me. I got out to come around my car to pump gas when I young female started to approached me. I said " God, I'm sorry but if she asks me for money I'm going to go off on her". As she walks towards me I began to get angry. I hadn't had rest from work, family and now friends that were sick. I was upset that I had worked plus dealt with other obligations in my life that if she asked me for money I was going to just give her a piece of my mind. She said "hello" can I give you something?" I was confused and said "okay".  She handed me a postcard. She told me that I was welcomed to come visit her church. Thanked me and walked away. I got back in my car and burst into a mass crying hysteria. My car was still parked and I just sat there in tears. I read this as God sending me a message that he was still here. That even though I felt alone he was still with me watching me. That night I was able to finally sleep. Two days later I picked Heather up from the airport. One year later Trevor was sitting in our living room showing me his heart surgery scar.

I've always been the tough one. The one that can't feel weakness. The one that is always there when I'm needed. When I felt alone against the world, God found ways to tell me "I'm still here"

enjoy your 240th birthday.

The dreaded month awaits me. I despise you, July. With the exception of it being the United States birthday you are just a horrible month. My little big headed niece turns four this year. She is a July baby but she couldn't have been a Leo she had to be a crazy Cancer. 

We had already celebrated on Thursday and Sunday. We tried treating it like when humans take the whole weekend to celebrate a birthday. Come Monday we still hadn't seen fireworks. We decided to drive to Denton by going to a bookstore and partake in their 20% off their entire store. Yeah this is how we were going to celebrate it. Us nerds going to the bookstore for a birthday celebration. One of the things that bring me joy in this world is sitting in the passenger seat listening to music and driving a distance. It's like getting away. Denton from our house is about an hour. Our spending money goes to gas.

On our way we saw a billboard where Lake Dallas was going to celebrate their fourth of July. We quickly made a u-turn, found a place to park, grabbed our folding chairs, and found us a spot. Always carry chairs in your trunk, a tip from me to you. We have two in my trunk and two in Heather's trunk. For all the randomness in our lives. We walked around. Hadn't eaten and since we decided to stay we grabbed some festival food. Honestly we don't really get a bite to eat. We just enjoy all the free falling that we tend to do but since we were going to stay we had tacos, corn in a cup, kettle popcorn, sausage on a stick, brisket sandwich, and some freshly squeezed lemonade. We just pigged out. Right at nine fifteen the candles in the sky lit up. The fireworks lasted for almost twenty five minutes. Nicely done Lake Dallas. Our first birthday experience with Lake Dallas and it won't be our last. We've celebrated in Grapevine, Irving, and Dallas. This has to be my favorite one of all.

It was the experience of going somewhere where no one knew you. Where when it was over we didn't have to be stuck in traffic. These people are really courteous. They know the rule off letting a car in an accordion style. No one honked, they even let us back out of our parking spot. People got up from their chair to dance to the music. No chaos.

Happy 240th birthday America. We don't know how next year will be. Hopefully we can still be able to celebrate you another year older without hate but love. When we all see the big candles go out in the sky we are all just grateful to be able to see it surrounded by all kinds of faces that make us America.

just a plain hello will do.

One day you realize that being alone is the best thing one can be in this world.

I was going through my cell phone photos and came upon one that I hadn't realized I took of myself. I'm assuming I went to put my phone away and as I was doing so realized the application was still up and running. It didn't look posed made me think of how people see me.

Then I realized that I'm alone in this world. Deep down it's hard to talk to someone because there is no one to trust. I find that when someone asks how I'm doing it really is to talk about themselves than really care about my answer. Realized that I'd never had that friend that you can call and they will drop what they are doing to come and hang out just because. I realized that I do better being a loner.

I've always been the one to be there when a friend needed me. They call on Gabriela and sure enough she'd show up. The one that stayed with you at the hospital when your closest friends didn't show up. The one that had the money to bail you out when I was the least person to have called upon. The one that witnessed you become a grandmother for the first time but you chose to drop me to get drunk with people that don't care about you. The less people I know the less problems I make for myself.

Realized that its hard to please the people that surround your life. I don't even try anymore. Hard to trust someone with the smallest secret because one day that person you trusted won't be in your life anymore and now they have that small information that you shared.

I think I reached that point where no matter what is said about or towards me it can't harm me because I've just shut down. I keep to myself. I don't talk to anyone anymore. It's pointless. I just want to be left a lone.

I was helping a man today. He wanted to know why I wasn't showing any emotions. He couldn't understand that I showed no feelings.

I am determined to be that old lady that you see at times that is always by herself. The one you wonder if she has family.

There is this place we like to eat and every time we go we always see a woman of age go and eat by herself. I always wondered if she is lonely. I don't wonder about her anymore.

This isn't a pity cry. It's just don't question why I've become this person.

Just a plain Hello will do.

that one time we went on that hike.

Was looking forward to sleeping in on my Saturday off. Being an adult is hard at times to just stay in bed while the earth just keeps rotating but eventually I have to get up.

On a day like today I look for signs. Wonder if what is needed from me will suffice. Woke up extra early to pass to the donut shop before seven. I was getting some breakfast for when I pick up my niece. We had to be in Lewisville at eight. She was going on a fossil history nature walk. Helping her earn a badge for girl scouts. We don't really bond like when she was much younger. She is growing up and is becoming a young lady. I was reminiscing when I'd pick her up from day care and would put her in the car seat. Now she was riding next to me in the passenger seat. And I was telling her about learning how to drive. The years pass fast when you are old, at least that's how it feels for me. I'm wondering if she liked the fact that I accompanied her instead of her mom. Things I think about that a regular tia wouldn't ask herself. When we were done and heading back all I asked was if she enjoyed herself on the adventures.

I was looking for a sign this morning. A sign that would give me reasoning for waking up early and knowing she'd be okay with me taking her.

When I went to the donut shop this morning I glanced over to my right as I was coming in the door. I saw a woman, a man, and four girls, the oldest was probably ten years old. They were all eating at a round crowded table. When I finally turned to leave with my order all I could hear were bye Daddy's. All four small girls trying to fight over each others words so that Dad could hear them each tell him bye Daddy. He responded with a bye. I looked at them and smiled. He had his work uniform and the girls still had their hair messy from when one walks up. They had all managed to wake up extra early on a Saturday to join their dad to eat donuts before he had to run off to work.

It reminded me of my mom and my sisters at that age. How my mom managed to handle four girls while my dad worked.

This was my sign. At our young age we didn't have a tia to help us. We just had each other. We didn't get to know what extra activities we could do besides trying to drive our mom crazy.

My sister had me to help her. Maybe one day when Gema is older she'll have that story that goes something like this........remember tia that one day we went on that hike and it was really humid?

My sisters and I never had that.