Thirty something years later picking shells

I honestly don't remember how old I was the last time I went to Galveston. I remember all my sisters were there, two still in diapers. When we were younger our family along with my Godmother's family went to Galveston. Spent a weekend there. I remember us parking on the sand and waking up to the sound of the water in the morning. One memory I always carry with me was when me and my sister Monica walked up and down the shore line picking up shells and putting them in our buckets. We both filled the buckets half way. We put them beside our car that day as we were about to eat what both our families had cooked. We used to do a lot with my Godmother and her family. Our families became close but as the years grew old we started to drift apart. I wonder if they still remember stories like this one. The next morning when me and my sister went to check on our shells we both grabbed our buckets and as we started to walk away with them we began screaming and immediately threw the buckets on the ground. Small like creatures were coming out of the shells. Yeah those buckets never made it home.

The love of my life

My sister Pati now with her own family invited me to tag a long on their Galveston trip. I enjoy the beach life and spending time with them so I said yes. We went for the weekend. Got all the sun rays we could possibly get. Enjoying the beach life. So many years had passed since I've set foot on these sands. I'd say close to thirty years. My sister Pati is mother to my Godchild. I love all my little ones but this one has a special place in my heart. I'm forever thankful the day I became a Godmother. It was her turn now, she at the age of three was walking down the shoreline with her father picking up shells and putting them in a bucket. Something so simple yet beautiful too see. Her tiny self wearing her little one piece bending down to pick up the shells turning to her father to show and give them to him to carry. When my sister invited me I took it as a small getaway. But this moment in time meant so much more to me than she will ever know. I was here with my father thirty something years ago picking shells down the shore with my Godmother. Thirty some years in the future I would have never thought I'd be looking at my goddaughter doing the same thing in the same place. I had my godmother and now she had hers. We relived the same story. The same experience.

Galveston 

I began to think of how many memories I'd miss because I didn't take the time to just let my mind wonder. I'll never forget this small getaway. The time I spent with my goddaughter. When we arrived she didn't want me to come home. She loved me that day. She doesn't know how much I love her.

One story I'll tell them when they are older is when her and her brother wanted to see my belly button. Belly button you ask? My little nephew was drawing himself on paper to kill some time on the road. He then drew me on paper. I of course had a bigger belly button than him. At that moment he realized he had never seen if I had a belly button. He insisted to see if in fact I had one. I said to both curious minds that I'd show them later. Well as soon as we made a stop it was show time. I was sitting down when they both approached me. You should have seen a three little girl with her six year old brother both squatting down to see my belly button. The excitement to have proved I had one after all.

The exciting life that is my life. Weirdly odd but I love it. I couldn't have it be a boring one.

Just live the most smallest of experiences, for those are what matter in the end.

A beautiful pink fluffy dress

I remember around this time last year, I asked my niece if she wanted a quinceanera. She said "no". She was never big on parties. A big celebration was not her thing. She started high school this year. She was beginning to go to her friends quinceaneras. She like the whole wearing a pretty dress, a celebration of a becoming a young lady. One day she said ... "I actually wouldn't mind having a big party". She has always been a good kid. She doesn't get into trouble and her mind is still innocent and humble. My sister and her husband thought about it and within less than six months decided there would be a big celebration. We had less than six months to plan one of the biggest parties a young girl in our culture would have. She was turning fifteen, my how the years pass. My parents had four daughters and we didn't have one of our own. I don't know how my sister did it. A party that normally takes a year to plan, she planned in half the time.

Our niece is special to us so we wanted to make her day special. Don't tell my sister but the night before the big day I was still working on center pieces. I had gotten sick and didn't have the energy to work on them. The morning came to go to church to finally see her in her princess dress. She has always been beautiful but on this day she wasn't little anymore. You want her to stay as childlike for as long as you can but on this day you realize that those days are slowly becoming the past. It was her day and she knew not to disappoint us. As much as we wanted it to be a perfect day, she wanted it to be perfect for us. She may not realize how much she means to us, but she holds a special place in our hearts. I really enjoyed the words of wisdom that the father told her and shared with us. She was still our little girl. The father asked her if she wanted to say a few words and I could feel my eyes fill with that salty water. She thanked her parents for all that they had done for her. She appreciated their hard work and dedication that they had given. As tears ran down her face she thanked everyone for taking the time to be there sharing her moment. There I was remembering her with pigtails trying at three years to be a young adult. For so long it was just her. She was the only little being in our family. She grew up with her tias. She was well loved by all.

After church I went over and had my sisters tag along to make sure the reception hall was in order. She went like I like to say, cruise the streets with her friends in a hummer limousine. Here was a fifteen year old with a car filled with her friends that wanted her little ten year old brother to tag along. Not many fifteen year olds do that. Even though it was her day she made her little brothers day by having him enjoy the ride.

The time came for friends and family to gather to celebrate and dance the night away till morning. I enjoyed having all our guests share the dance floor, watched her perform with her cadets. We congregated and talked about family, about our birthday girl. How my sister managed to pull it off. How stressed my sister was to make it as perfect as possible. How my niece didn't want nothing to go wrong just so that she wouldn't disappointed us. She danced so elegantly and yet my father said "I didn't know she knew how to dance cumbias". I still don't know where she learned those cumbia dance moves. She had a great set of friends that shared the dance floor with her. I think I even learned some dance moves myself. If something wasn't perfect you couldn't tell because everything just seamed right.

I'll always remember her innocent look giving me a thumbs up on this day. A way of saying that everything was alright. She may have been tired but always kept her smile. Always had that special glow about her. All that mattered was her having the best time of her life. You only get one night why not let it be how you want to remember it years from now. We are a small family but we have many that made our family huge that night. I asked what she thought of her party. She was happy. Those words are what mattered.

So what if I woke up with blisters from dancing all night, or stayed till the tables were cleaned, or packed my car full of over packed centerpieces and left over things, because all that mattered was this one night. The one night in a girls lifetime that she gets to live it up.

We love you our little Gemita, always and forever.

a t-shirt never worn

I've been emptying my home of old memories. I came upon a bag of clothes. A bag of clothes given when someone from my past had passed. While going through the bag one shirt stood out and I kept it. It still had the tags from it never being worn.

I met with my sister half way to have lunch today. My dad sat on one side and my sister in front of me. I had washed the shirt and decided to wear it today. I asked my dad if he remembered Aunt Pat. You see Aunt Pat was a Great Aunt that passed away a couple of years back. My family knew of her through my past love. Here I was for the first time wearing a shirt she never got to wear. When I'd visit my past life family Miemie would wear the same shirt but in a different color. This morning when I put it on it reminded me of Miemie. How her and Aunt Pat, sisters had to have been shopping together and picked out the same shirt. Aunt Pat's was purple and Miemie was blue. Every time I visited Miemie she always wore her blue shirt. I always thought how cool it was for her to have this special Kool-Aid shirt. I'd own my own Kool-Aid shirt. Mine is a teal blue. How I in Texas had a teal blue one and her in Missouri had a blue one. Now I own a purple one. When I put it on all I could think about was Miemie. All I could think about was how Aunt Pat never got to wear hers. The two sisters never got to wear the matching shirts together.

I came home from my family time today about to take off my purple Kool-Aid shirt off when I had a message waiting for me to read. It was my used to be sister n law. She told me Miemie wasn't doing well. She will not make it much longer here on this cruel world. So as I'm about to take my shirt off I start to cry and start thinking about the last words I told Miemie. The last time I saw her she was sitting in her favorite chair working on a puzzle. I bent down to tell her goodbye and that I loved her. She always got sad to see us go but looked forward to our next visit. I said Miemie this would be my last time to see you. She got mad and told me not to say that. But I didn't have the heart to tell her what had been going on. I said Miemie I don't think you will ever see me again, she brushed it off and said don't say that. She asked why I'd say that but I was trying to fight my tears back. She said you are always welcomed but I new it would be the last time I'd see her.

My purple Kool-Aid shirt

I pray for her but especially a family that is no longer mine. The last words Laurie said to me were take this as a death. Take what my daughter did to you as if you lost in a form of death. I don't think she knew what she meant or how strong those words were to be imbedded in me. The death of someone to you personally will never be easy.

Miemie, you will always be in my heart. She may have been a strong hard headed woman but she always showed nothing but love since the first time I met her. Miemie maybe now you and Aunt Pat will be able to wear those matching Kool-Aid t-shirts you both were meant to wear one day. I love you Miemie, my chicken lover collector. Thank you Miemie for passing through a part of my life.

My First Taxi Ride

I listen to music a lot.  I don't watch TV unless it is a movie I pop in. My life is consumed by music. One day last year I heard a song, I loved it so much that I played it on repeat. I decided to listen to more songs by the artist. I found out they were coming to Texas. I knew I had to go to their concert. I put my days in at work. When they got approved I booked my hotel. When I paid for it I knew I couldn't back out. I still hadn't bought my ticket for the show but I told myself if it was meant to be then it will be. I live life this way. I plan for the randomness. The day came my first trip alone in fifteen years. I was both excited and nervous. I was going to drive myself by myself to my destination. The time came and I don't think my sisters believed I'd do it. My friends were excited for me. When I told my parents they thought I was going with someone. They were like, "Yeah right you are going alone". I said, "dad I'm following the music. I'm okay".

The Church I had stopped to photographed

Judah and the Lion

my latte from Espressivo Coffee

I left on time and arrived early. Did a little exploring downtown. Then I went to the venue to buy my ticket. It was meant to be, had the ticket in my hand. Every where I went I was surrounded by nice people. Even when I did my exploring, I stopped to ask questions. I left a poem I made in an exhibit held at the Culture Commons Gallery. My stops included a burger joint, a coffee shop, and a museum. The night came and the clerk at the desk told me it was cheaper to get a taxi to take me there. I waited for my taxi for forty five minutes but it still hadn't arrived. I wasn't going to make it on time. The lady at the desk asked if it was okay for them to take me. They don't have this service but didn't want me to miss my show. They took me and I made it two minutes late. They didn't want to take my taxi money.

the poem I left at the gallery

the Hope Outdoor Gallery

At first it was weird being by myself. By myself in a room filled with people waiting to see the performance. Once there I went to get me a drink. While I was at the bar a staff member came up to me and asked how I liked the venue. It was my first time here, I told him. He wanted me to have the best experience so he upgraded my ticket on the spot. I couldn't believe it. Once upgraded I made new friends that were there from Austin to hear them perform. When it was over it felt like I was in a movie script. I had found a way to get there but wasn't concerned on how to get back to my hotel. I know I don't have the Uber App. My sister telling me once there to down load it. I like doing things spontaneous and doing things the old way that I just told her I'd find a way. As soon as I walked out of the venue there was a taxi right in front of me. I asked if he was picking up, I got in and just like that I knew it was meant to be. The whole experience was special to me. I was never alone. You see when I went exploring downtown I went exploring down the wrong part of downtown. When I asked someone for directions he suggested I not be alone. He told me it wasn't safe for me to be walking alone. When he said that I looked over him and saw a statue of Jesus from the church I had just stopped to photograph. Every where I went on this trip I wasn't alone. I never am alone. Maybe there is a reason why that taxi never came to pick me up. I did call it twice to see where the driver was but they couldn't place him.

I will never forget this experience. My first of many to come. I told myself last year that I wanted to travel more this year and do things I still enjoy doing. I'm already planning my next one for March. I'm following the music up north. Of course if it is meant to be it will be. I've come along way from my past. There is a saying that goes "things happen for a reason". I believe they do. If you live your life right nothing but good things happen. I believe that we fall the hardest to make us get up and see what is truly meant to be. We don't understand the why until the mind is set free.

On my way back home I stopped at the Hope Outdoor Gallery. Somewhere I'd always wanted to go to for years. Its turning lucky forty this year and it will be demolished this June. What a coincidence.

What band was it that made me follow them to San Antonio...it was Judah and The Lion. It was an amazing show. They interacted with their audience and they love to dance. I'd do it all over again.
 

Hearts and Pan Dulce

Just incase I hadn't mentioned it before, I dislike the cold. I know the earth needs it to be cold it is a part of her seasons but for someone that likes to be outside the coldness burns me.

A yearly place I like to stop by is at the Bath House Cultural Center for their El Corazon Exhibit. It's their twenty fourth year dedicating February to heart related art in all forms. This year the theme was music but what I observed was more of an exhibition of broken hearts. More popular than I expected in todays way of life. I killed two birds with one stone, not really. I've been wanting to make it that way to feed the birds. Stand there and observe the tip of the lake, a form of meditation for me. Yes it was freezing but I'm never right in the head to begin with. Have you ever seen birds fight over bread? Even birds are stingy and don't want to share.

I'd get more but I have to watch my figure

This weather is always perfect for pan dulce.  Before heading home I decided to stop at the Panaderia del Sol. I remember going there when they first started their journey. It has grown since then. I walked in and found out a lot of people had the same idea as me. The line to check out was long. but no one was complaining because the bread was worth waiting. I always mind my own business but no matter where I go people really like to talk to me. Sometimes I try to make small talk but it doesn't work, so I just go with it. I figure they could have talked to anyone but they chose to talk to me.

My favorite piece there, poetry nailed to the heart

A man was getting bread for his family. We began talking but the most important part of the conversation was when he mentioned where he was from. He thought I wouldn't know the place. He got really excited when I told him I'd actually been there. You see he is from the State of Guerrero. My parents are from Guerrero. I've been there plenty of times in my life time. That's when we connected and started sharing stories. He hadn't been in ten years and he finally went to bury his father last year. He knows of the dangers that go with visiting, as do my family. But it's my parents home town where they grew up. I love going but I know that me going would one day not allow me to never make it back to my home here. When people hear the word Guerrero and know where this place is they automatically know it is a place filled with beautiful things and dangerous minds. It is a place that holds one of the seven wonders of the world. That is why he hadn't been in ten years. I was born here and know the risks but when I can I accompany my parents. Here was a man standing in line next to me at a bread store waiting to buy bread. A man I had never seen but something told him to talk to me and we connected at that level. Who would have thought I would be standing talking to a man born in a different part of America on a day like today exchanging stories that only we both would understand. This is why I just allow people to talk to me no matter where I happen to be. We left by saying we would continue our conversation the next time we would meet. He mentioned how the conversation was getting good right when it was his turn to check out. Joked how pan dulce helps contribute to diabetes and yet we are all packed in here for this bread.

I'll share a story with you, one that only I know and had never shared before. My dad built his house in the state of Guerrero. His house started as a mud house and he slowly saved his money to make it a concrete house, then added rooms to it. The house is on a corner of two dirt roads. One of my favorite memories was when we would visit and hear every other morning waking up to a truck hitting his horn driving on these dirt roads stopping at the houses selling bread. It would be a beat up truck with a camper. No matter where I was that morning when he came I would gather my pesos and go out and look at the back of the truck. He would have all kinds of breads on the back of the bed of the truck. That's one thing I miss doing to this day. No matter if it's sweet bread or just a plain bolillo I have always loved bread.

I enjoy hearing stories, that's why I always say tell me a story. I don't mean gossip I mean a true memorable event in your life. It was a good memorable ending to my day. February the tenth, some where the stars were lined up perfectly for two beings to cross paths at a bread store and were also at one point in time standing in the State of Guerrero.

a fortune cookie

It's always fun to pick a fortune from a table of more than one. The waiter gave us three fortune cookies and I was second to pick mine. Mine read "in the middle of a busy day, take some time to be a kid again."

This is the second fortune in less than three months that has come true. The first one is too personal to mention but it was a good fortune. We always read them wondering if they will come true. We try to somehow figure the hidden message it tells us. I got my fortune on Saturday and on Tuesday I was in a room with other adults coloring. There is a phrase for it, it is now called Adult Coloring because if we say we went coloring it wouldn't sound right, right. They had several coloring books and we got to pick what we wanted. I glanced over the books and when she said that it was okay to cut the page out I knew I had to cut wonder woman out from the comic book. The reasoning behind Adult Coloring is to release stress and a form of relaxation. I just like coloring. I've always like coloring but now it is normal to do it in public with other people. It is normal to do it when you are a kid but once you become an adult it seams all the things you liked doing you have to stop because it is no longer okay.

check out the red lips

I made a new friend in the process, we plan on meeting again next month to color.

As adults we get excited when we see things that reminds us of our past. Like when I see a package of Mamba or Now and Laters. It always reminds me of being a kid. When I would walk to the store down the street just to buy them. Then it starts a series of memories of being a kid and how it would be fun at times to be a kid again. We were so young not realizing we would have to grow up one day. Not realizing that it all would change. How when you are a kid you want to hurry and grow up just to realize how innocent that wish you would want to take back.

I think that is why grandparents have a better relationship with their grandkids because it allows them to be kids again.

As I'm writing this I'm eating Cracker Jacks. When I was a kid I would get excited just to get the prize inside.

My God Daughter always sends me artwork in the mail. When she saw this she asked if I colored it for her. I've sealed it and off it goes to her.

We tell our little ones to stay young as long as they can. No hurry in growing up. But no matter what we say society has already told them to stop being a kid and grow up.
  
It's okay to be a kid again. I was able to step back in time and come back to being an adult. No harm done.

A new years kiss at midnight

It had been a month when I realized I'd be off on new years from work. Hadn't been off in a very long time. Excited I wanted something to do. Whether it was with friends or alone. I decided to look for a lipstick, preferably a silver color. I came upon a black and a white one. I ended buying both.

I'd made a comment that wherever I was I'd kiss the person next to me. I'd have me a kiss at midnight after all.

The day came December 31, 2017. It was time to choose where I'd spend my night and with whom I'd get my kiss. I narrowed it down to two burlesque shows. One was at the Texas Theatre and the other was at Wits End in Deep Ellum. Guess which one I picked?  Yep, the one in Deep Ellum. Arrived all in black well more like the lady in red because of my coat. The show started late but then again nothing starts on time anymore. Scoped the place out since it was my first time there. I sat at the bar with a perfect view to everything. That seat was waiting for me. I'm not familiar with adult beverages so the way I choose a drink is by asking the bartender to make me a sweet drink. He said "anything?"  He made me a peach cobbler, it had five mixings and all I could remember were the vodka and lemon juice. I had two, that was my limit for driving solo. I people watched till the show started. Kind of fun having people surprisingly bump me just to touch my arm to tell me they were sorry. I know they really wanted to feel my muscle. Saw multiple selfies being taken to prove they spent the new years at the a club. How one guy wasn't into his date but he had to have one on new years, you know.

peach cobbler

When I'm alone I notice that people look after me. From the guy that is important wearing his silver hat to the bartender checking on me making sure I was okay. After my limit the bartender gave me a glass of water. I got up to go to the bathroom and he took my water back and said he'd watch it for me. That my friends is a good bartender. I hadn't realized how it could have went wrong had I left my water on the counter to go to the bathroom if not for him looking out. At the end of the show the whole place was getting ready for the countdown. The staff were passing out new years hats, beads, and streamers. I choose beads I'd already had my hat. They gave everyone a cup of champagne to toast. Had mine in my hand ready for my midnight kiss. You see I had a date but my date couldn't make it out this night. The countdown began and I couldn't believe just like that it was over. The year was gone. The last few seconds weren't filled with memories like it had all these years. I wanted to stay till the end. Something I think I will enjoy for new years to come.  All I could think about was getting my new years kiss by that special person. I drank my champagne at midnight and left.

Burlesque at the Wits End

My sisters worried that I had gone out alone. Gone to a place I'd never been before but I'm stubborn. I pretty much do what I want. I just don't let my parents in on that part of my life. No matter how old I am they'd worry.

black lipstick won

So the question you may still be asking me is if I ever got my new years kiss? That's all I could think of as I was driving to my destination. So when I arrived twenty minutes later, still being within the hour of a brand new day. That kiss meant more than just a kiss at midnight. My life is full of surprises that I make for myself and I love all of it.

Happy New Years my friends another year still writing from time to time, thank you. May this even numbered year be all that you need to be happy.