You are one lucky human being

Ask this question? Ask your significant other if they are willing to listen to you as you tell them what interests you? I've seen my sisters grow into the successful woman that they have become. They are strong individuals that will not take failure in their daily life routine. Over the weekend we saw my baby sister take her final journey across the stage as she is now a Nurse Practitioner. I do not know how many days she thought about giving up. I do not know how many times she would tell me to pray for her. Her husband probably saw her break in tears, tired from lack of sleep, and skipping meals to try to get to the finish line. She is not the only sister I have with a supporting husband. All my sisters managed to finish their degrees while with their husbands. They are still pursuing their continuous education as they continue to add to their names. Soon I'll also have a sister that has been working on her doctorate. I do brag on my sisters because it wasn't easy growing up. There were hard times and to see them achieve their dreams is knowing that anything is possible. I always tell them how lucky they are. They have supporting husbands that will go through the struggle to see their woman succeed. Whatever goals they have their husbands know how important it is to them. When you have a spouse that wants to make a better way of living and you are with that person you also gain from their achievements. Be that supporting individual that wants the same thing for your family.

Texas Woman's University 2019

Today I was helping a man that is from South Africa. I don't know how we started the conversation but he gave me his story and it made me feel good. He had just graduated the university while being married and raising six children. He has two in high school, two in middle school, and has the last two in elementary. He named all the schools they go to. I couldn't believe he was able to achieve his dream. He said "I need to set an example for my children". "I come from South Africa and have raised them in my culture ways even though they are born here". He showed me his picture they took of him as he walked the stage. I could tell he was so proud. His professors couldn't understand how he managed to do it. I knew how he managed to do it. He has a loving wife and family beside him supporting him. He has family to give him the motivation he needed to get to his finish line.  Here I was looking at a man that was starting to show his grays. I was talking to a man that is now a graduate of Finances with a big smile of pride on him.

Some never achieve their dreams. Some depend on others for support. Do not rely on someone else to make you want to do better. If there is something you want to finish, then finish it. If you are with someone and they do not want to see you succeed then they will only drag you down. Always do it for you but if you have someone supporting your dreams then by all means you are a lucky human being. Always be with someone that has the same vision as you do for if you do not share the same vision it only will ever just be a blur.

The story never ends...….

Ten Year Challenge

I'm going to share a little about how I've become to look like what I look like now. It has taken me through a journey and I can not seem to stop. You see I exercise when the rest of the world is probably at home sitting on the couch watching a series on their cable TV. I don't have cable, I know that alone is strange. I do watch TV but I tend to watch movies. I feel like it takes from my time. I have come to use my time differently than what I used to use it. I have a membership to a gym that I do get to use when the weather outside is unbearable. While you are indoors in the warmth of your home I'm outside walking and running two miles up to five times a week. Yes it's cold outside but man I can be covered in sweat. I enjoy the feeling of how my body feels after working out. I don't think I'd ever say that. My sister told me the other day that she went out in the cold to do something similar as my workout and told me she didn't know how I do it. Don't get me wrong sometimes when I exercise I cry. I cry out of anger of pushing my body to work harder. I cry because I realized that I have to work harder to get at my goal. I cry because I think about the words used towards me. I cry because sometimes my body gets tired but I know I can not give up. So even though I cry it's a good cry because when I look in the mirror I see my results. It's a good cry because I'm wearing clothes I hadn't wore in ten years. I'm close to the weight I was when I graduated high school and some of you know that's a long time for me. I see myself in the mirror and say damn you look good. I pep myself up. I'm at that point now where I'm building what I call soft muscle. Yes the I still want to look like a girl with muscles. In one year I managed to loose weight I'd gained in ten years. I think about it and I still can not believe it. I told myself that I will not ever go back to that person that I was before. I'm still the same being but with a different outlook. I started this journey when I fell but I got back up slowly. I've managed to stay up and keep going. I keep seeing this ten year challenge on social media so I decided to give it a try. Once I put both pictures together I was embarrassed to even share it because I hadn't realized how I had let myself go. I was too comfortable with what I though was okay. But I keep thinking about it and no, I am the change that I needed to be to realize that I could be better. That I fought with myself to be the look that I am now. I can not say I'll stop because it has become a way of life. I am my own motivator. I wore a dress on new years day something I hadn't done in years. Yes I make heads turn. I just keep walking with the confidence that I've help build up. I don't do this alone. As I'm pushing my body to the extreme I ask God to give me the strength I need to not give up. A body is capable of anything and I know I'm capable of anything. If you try hard enough you will see results. I'm a new me. I'm a better version of myself. So while I don't share the times I'm at the gym or the fact that it's fifty degrees outside breaking a sweat just know I will not give up. I will not give up because I'll always remember those harsh words that became my motivation that led to me saying, thank you.

2019 vs 2009

The house by the creek

There are certain places that seem just right to go to during the night. I know that a lot of people enjoy this time of year. I freaking love it with a passion. It's the month I care to enjoy it all. I visit haunted houses, listen to ghost stories, watch all the scary movies that will come out, and end it with a Day of the Dead celebration. The most anticipated holiday I look forward too celebrating. I haven't planned anything ahead. I've just been going with what comes to mind. Went to my first haunted house this past weekend. Creekside Manor Haunted House in Midlothian, Texas. Proceeds of the ticket sales go to a charity. It was a group of five braves souls. We welcomed a new beginner to the scares. I did everything backwards by being the leader, the front woman to go in first.

It was a house in the woods. I parked my car across the street. Met with the rest of the group and bought our ticket. One person went to the restroom before going inside. It is always important to go to the restroom before going inside. The entrance had a small cemetery setting leading to a small room. You have to pass the small room to get in line to go inside. Beware of the small room. The house looked broke down with boarded windows. The house was perfect on a rainy night. We debated on going because it had started to rain hard. I would normally cancel but not this night. Rain was coming down hard but I told myself and the rest of the crew that it might stop by the time we got there. Minutes before we arrived it stopped raining. Once in line to get in the big house we start wondering how long the experience will be. We wonder if what we paid was going to be worth the scare. It was their first weekend opening and we couldn't wait to get the season started.

They took our tickets and it was our turn. Our group got to go inside together. Once inside the smell of mildew filled the air. It was the perfect setup for what we were about to endure. I went first holding my friends arm. Two more friends followed and our fifth friend was in the back. I do not know what I was thinking going in first. I kept screaming and yelling going through the narrow halls. Kept yelling for our fifth friend to see where she was. I got so scared at one scary creature that I actually pushed him away. I put my hand on his chest and pushed. I don't think I was suppose to do that but he got me good. I would run through there dragging my friend with me. Of course the chainsaw would try to scare us once we would step outside. I think by this point I would be used to it by now but nope I ran. These are the times when if you aren't a runner you would be the first one out of there.

Creekside Manor Haunted House

The whole experience was really scary good. The drive wasn't that bad. I woke up the next morning with a hoarse voice. It's Monday and a bruise on my hand finally appeared. I don't remember hitting my hand on anything but then again when you get scared the adrenaline kicks in.

The best haunted houses are the ones in the middle of nowhere. The houses that are in the woods. If I'm asked if I would go back to this one, the answer is yes. I'm going to start to pack a cooler with drinks because these places make you hot and thirsty. Yes hot and thirsty for more.

Which ever haunting you go to this year may you cry from laughing hard at yourself, have you loosing your clothes, (in my case my shoe), or have you almost pee your pants.

But whatever happens just be brave. Be scared of the real not the make belief.

A house built in 1854

My plan was to take the drive today, being the first of October. I took yesterday off work. I got up early decided to go for a walk came back and had my morning coffee. I began watching some scary stories on YouTube. The time now was twelve o'clock. I was thinking should I go ahead and go today? I mean I'm not doing anything. By one o'clock I had me an ice coffee to go and headed for the highway. The time it took to get to my destination was three hours. Once in the car I was thinking was I crazy? But I've done this before so I was just listening to music with my window down. My hair blowing making it messy but I didn't care. I tend to say what I feel the day I'm living with the people I see. I never know if it will be my last. I also never tell anyone where I'm going. I don't tell them because they worry. Half way to my destination I'm listening to my music when the car in front of me slams on their brakes. I began to slam on my breaks. It was a two lane highway due to construction. I was on the left lane on my right an eighteen wheeler. I began to hit my brakes so hard that I ended making my own lane in between the car and the eighteen wheeler. Lets just say I was one lucky traveler. It could have ended rammed behind the car or under that big rig. I guess it wasn't time for me yet....again. The car in front of me wasn't paying attention because she was on her phone and slammed on her brakes. I told myself, was it meant for me to even continue my trip? Just an hour and a half more to go.

under beautiful blue skies sets a home worth saving

I passed the dirt road that led to what I was looking for. I made a u-turn and it was now three fifty. I could see it as I was driving up to it. There it was the Texas Chainsaw Massacre House. How freaking exciting after so many years of wanting to actually make the trip I finally made the journey. It wasn't the original place the home of the house was placed. It was also surrounded by a fence and cameras were put in place. There was a box of flyers telling you about the house. I could have disobeyed the privacy that they were asking to keep and gone under the fence. Since I hadn't told anyone where I was I felt that I'd be missing for days had I trespassed. People actually live on the land. The house is boarded up but it's in the process of being restored. The house is real. The actual story of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre isn't, or at least that is what they want you to believe. I don't think that if you actually had something like this happen to your family you'd want to be associated with the story. This is the house used as the prop for the movie. The house was moved from the University of Texas campus to this location when the City of Austin bought the land. To preserve the history of this house they moved it to a family farm now in Granger, Texas. It's a piece of Texas history so the plan is to conserve the house. Even though it was boarded up it was just a beautiful thing to see. Pictures were allowed. The idea of actually making the trip to see if it even existed was well worth the drive.

I went in day light don't know if I would have gone at night. I don't recommend you going alone. I take adventures by myself but if you want to explore Granger, Texas don't do it alone. Once I was an hour back home I let my sisters know I had gone on an adventure. Would I do this again....most definitely. I will always feed my wandering soul. Love this gypsy life now given. Will I ever stop? Not even close. Happy haunting to another start to a scary season. Go live and be free to do the things meant for you to see. I'm living this dream of finding what makes my wandering soul feel free.

Was it scary? No. Was it exciting? Hell yes it was. Do I need new brakes? Most definitely.

Thirty something years later picking shells

I honestly don't remember how old I was the last time I went to Galveston. I remember all my sisters were there, two still in diapers. When we were younger our family along with my Godmother's family went to Galveston. Spent a weekend there. I remember us parking on the sand and waking up to the sound of the water in the morning. One memory I always carry with me was when me and my sister Monica walked up and down the shore line picking up shells and putting them in our buckets. We both filled the buckets half way. We put them beside our car that day as we were about to eat what both our families had cooked. We used to do a lot with my Godmother and her family. Our families became close but as the years grew old we started to drift apart. I wonder if they still remember stories like this one. The next morning when me and my sister went to check on our shells we both grabbed our buckets and as we started to walk away with them we began screaming and immediately threw the buckets on the ground. Small like creatures were coming out of the shells. Yeah those buckets never made it home.

The love of my life

My sister Pati now with her own family invited me to tag a long on their Galveston trip. I enjoy the beach life and spending time with them so I said yes. We went for the weekend. Got all the sun rays we could possibly get. Enjoying the beach life. So many years had passed since I've set foot on these sands. I'd say close to thirty years. My sister Pati is mother to my Godchild. I love all my little ones but this one has a special place in my heart. I'm forever thankful the day I became a Godmother. It was her turn now, she at the age of three was walking down the shoreline with her father picking up shells and putting them in a bucket. Something so simple yet beautiful too see. Her tiny self wearing her little one piece bending down to pick up the shells turning to her father to show and give them to him to carry. When my sister invited me I took it as a small getaway. But this moment in time meant so much more to me than she will ever know. I was here with my father thirty something years ago picking shells down the shore with my Godmother. Thirty some years in the future I would have never thought I'd be looking at my goddaughter doing the same thing in the same place. I had my godmother and now she had hers. We relived the same story. The same experience.

Galveston 

I began to think of how many memories I'd miss because I didn't take the time to just let my mind wonder. I'll never forget this small getaway. The time I spent with my goddaughter. When we arrived she didn't want me to come home. She loved me that day. She doesn't know how much I love her.

One story I'll tell them when they are older is when her and her brother wanted to see my belly button. Belly button you ask? My little nephew was drawing himself on paper to kill some time on the road. He then drew me on paper. I of course had a bigger belly button than him. At that moment he realized he had never seen if I had a belly button. He insisted to see if in fact I had one. I said to both curious minds that I'd show them later. Well as soon as we made a stop it was show time. I was sitting down when they both approached me. You should have seen a three little girl with her six year old brother both squatting down to see my belly button. The excitement to have proved I had one after all.

The exciting life that is my life. Weirdly odd but I love it. I couldn't have it be a boring one.

Just live the most smallest of experiences, for those are what matter in the end.

A beautiful pink fluffy dress

I remember around this time last year, I asked my niece if she wanted a quinceanera. She said "no". She was never big on parties. A big celebration was not her thing. She started high school this year. She was beginning to go to her friends quinceaneras. She like the whole wearing a pretty dress, a celebration of a becoming a young lady. One day she said ... "I actually wouldn't mind having a big party". She has always been a good kid. She doesn't get into trouble and her mind is still innocent and humble. My sister and her husband thought about it and within less than six months decided there would be a big celebration. We had less than six months to plan one of the biggest parties a young girl in our culture would have. She was turning fifteen, my how the years pass. My parents had four daughters and we didn't have one of our own. I don't know how my sister did it. A party that normally takes a year to plan, she planned in half the time.

Our niece is special to us so we wanted to make her day special. Don't tell my sister but the night before the big day I was still working on center pieces. I had gotten sick and didn't have the energy to work on them. The morning came to go to church to finally see her in her princess dress. She has always been beautiful but on this day she wasn't little anymore. You want her to stay as childlike for as long as you can but on this day you realize that those days are slowly becoming the past. It was her day and she knew not to disappoint us. As much as we wanted it to be a perfect day, she wanted it to be perfect for us. She may not realize how much she means to us, but she holds a special place in our hearts. I really enjoyed the words of wisdom that the father told her and shared with us. She was still our little girl. The father asked her if she wanted to say a few words and I could feel my eyes fill with that salty water. She thanked her parents for all that they had done for her. She appreciated their hard work and dedication that they had given. As tears ran down her face she thanked everyone for taking the time to be there sharing her moment. There I was remembering her with pigtails trying at three years to be a young adult. For so long it was just her. She was the only little being in our family. She grew up with her tias. She was well loved by all.

After church I went over and had my sisters tag along to make sure the reception hall was in order. She went like I like to say, cruise the streets with her friends in a hummer limousine. Here was a fifteen year old with a car filled with her friends that wanted her little ten year old brother to tag along. Not many fifteen year olds do that. Even though it was her day she made her little brothers day by having him enjoy the ride.

The time came for friends and family to gather to celebrate and dance the night away till morning. I enjoyed having all our guests share the dance floor, watched her perform with her cadets. We congregated and talked about family, about our birthday girl. How my sister managed to pull it off. How stressed my sister was to make it as perfect as possible. How my niece didn't want nothing to go wrong just so that she wouldn't disappointed us. She danced so elegantly and yet my father said "I didn't know she knew how to dance cumbias". I still don't know where she learned those cumbia dance moves. She had a great set of friends that shared the dance floor with her. I think I even learned some dance moves myself. If something wasn't perfect you couldn't tell because everything just seamed right.

I'll always remember her innocent look giving me a thumbs up on this day. A way of saying that everything was alright. She may have been tired but always kept her smile. Always had that special glow about her. All that mattered was her having the best time of her life. You only get one night why not let it be how you want to remember it years from now. We are a small family but we have many that made our family huge that night. I asked what she thought of her party. She was happy. Those words are what mattered.

So what if I woke up with blisters from dancing all night, or stayed till the tables were cleaned, or packed my car full of over packed centerpieces and left over things, because all that mattered was this one night. The one night in a girls lifetime that she gets to live it up.

We love you our little Gemita, always and forever.

a t-shirt never worn

I've been emptying my home of old memories. I came upon a bag of clothes. A bag of clothes given when someone from my past had passed. While going through the bag one shirt stood out and I kept it. It still had the tags from it never being worn.

I met with my sister half way to have lunch today. My dad sat on one side and my sister in front of me. I had washed the shirt and decided to wear it today. I asked my dad if he remembered Aunt Pat. You see Aunt Pat was a Great Aunt that passed away a couple of years back. My family knew of her through my past love. Here I was for the first time wearing a shirt she never got to wear. When I'd visit my past life family Miemie would wear the same shirt but in a different color. This morning when I put it on it reminded me of Miemie. How her and Aunt Pat, sisters had to have been shopping together and picked out the same shirt. Aunt Pat's was purple and Miemie was blue. Every time I visited Miemie she always wore her blue shirt. I always thought how cool it was for her to have this special Kool-Aid shirt. I'd own my own Kool-Aid shirt. Mine is a teal blue. How I in Texas had a teal blue one and her in Missouri had a blue one. Now I own a purple one. When I put it on all I could think about was Miemie. All I could think about was how Aunt Pat never got to wear hers. The two sisters never got to wear the matching shirts together.

I came home from my family time today about to take off my purple Kool-Aid shirt off when I had a message waiting for me to read. It was my used to be sister n law. She told me Miemie wasn't doing well. She will not make it much longer here on this cruel world. So as I'm about to take my shirt off I start to cry and start thinking about the last words I told Miemie. The last time I saw her she was sitting in her favorite chair working on a puzzle. I bent down to tell her goodbye and that I loved her. She always got sad to see us go but looked forward to our next visit. I said Miemie this would be my last time to see you. She got mad and told me not to say that. But I didn't have the heart to tell her what had been going on. I said Miemie I don't think you will ever see me again, she brushed it off and said don't say that. She asked why I'd say that but I was trying to fight my tears back. She said you are always welcomed but I new it would be the last time I'd see her.

My purple Kool-Aid shirt

I pray for her but especially a family that is no longer mine. The last words Laurie said to me were take this as a death. Take what my daughter did to you as if you lost in a form of death. I don't think she knew what she meant or how strong those words were to be imbedded in me. The death of someone to you personally will never be easy.

Miemie, you will always be in my heart. She may have been a strong hard headed woman but she always showed nothing but love since the first time I met her. Miemie maybe now you and Aunt Pat will be able to wear those matching Kool-Aid t-shirts you both were meant to wear one day. I love you Miemie, my chicken lover collector. Thank you Miemie for passing through a part of my life.