Did I mention I love Barbeque.....thank you

Isn't it crazy how the year is almost over. I don't know about you but a lot has happened to me but I have plenty to be thankful for.

It's tradition when spending thanksgiving with my family to open a bottle of alcohol. Be it wine, champagne, or a shot. My dad buys something new and that night we all share the beverage. We all pour some in our glass and we go around the room and each one of us says what we are thankful for.

This bottle of Barefoot wine was delicious

I cried when it wasn't even my turn. My father starts and we go around the room. Glad that I was still here alive and living. My brother n laws also say what they are thankful for. It's an all family tradition. God is so good to me to have blessed me in many ways even by giving me the men that married my sisters. Never had I thought I'd see the day that I would need from them. You always need your sisters but I hadn't needed my brothers too. They have been such a huge part of my support system. Started with Ruben, he wants me to be happy no matter whom I choose in life. Someone to be by my side no matter what. He knows I love barbeque so he makes sure to cook out when I go visit. He tells me he is happy to see how strong emotionally I am and is thankful that I've been able to independently make it. Fernando, has been there since day one by helping me with my home. I'd call him and even though he had just got off work, he would stop by to help me. He also likes to barbeque for me. He would never want me to be alone at home so he would want me to come over just to even watch TV. Jose I'd never heard him speak his mind and that night he wanted me to know he was thankful to finally see me smile. He says I'm a changed person. You can see a certain glow about you and all you need is someone to share it with. He backs me up with my life choices. I cried, I did. It was an emotional night. I'm in no hurry to find someone to love me for me. I'm just enjoying the people I get to meet along the way. Even then God has sent some interesting people my way.

My family is all I have and I have a very caring one. They will always be there for me cheering me on in the good times and be by my side in the hard struggles of life. I couldn't have asked for more.

I am well loved, well fed, and well thought of. They see me be a strong being. One day they will see me smile in a different way and they will know that it's because I'd find true happiness. God knows I deserve the best and in the meantime I am quite okay.

So I thank God everyday for always being by my side. I thank him for always finding a way to show me that he hasn't abandoned me. I thank him because the original six is continuously growing. I thank God because one thing is for sure is that I won't ever go hungry because my family loves to cook for me.

I may be poor but I am filthy rich in more ways than you can imagine. I'm truly grateful. Thank you

another year of self love

It's a subject that doesn't get discussed as it should. Maybe we don't want to hear about it or if it doesn't pertain to you personally, why care.

I learned of the movement To Write Love on Her Arms Day a couple of years back. I tried to teach others of what it meant. It was my first tattoo that I got. It meant something to me. It meant to look down at my arm as a constant reminder to love myself. You have to always love yourself. No one will love you like you love you. Only you can understand the real feelings that only you know to have. I make it aware every year to have others remind themselves that they are loved. Remind them that there is help.

There are things in life that will happen that don't go as planned. There will be failures that you didn't even think would happen. I used to think why would someone commit suicide. Why would they leave their family with such sadness. Why would they be so selfish as to take the easy way out. I'd be the one fighting to keep you here. This world is beautiful yet cruel. The world can give you everything you can desire and can easily take it all away.

I don't push the issue anymore. I do it for myself. It took the world to take something from me to have me realize that I can not have it all. I'm no one to make those decisions about ones life. I'd like to know that I'm here to hear your sorrows but I don't know what I would say. No one can determine how deep someones mind is, full of demons that allows their heart to be blocked of self love. Everyone deals with life differently. Some beings are stronger than others. Some only know to give up.

It is sad to know when someone commits this act to end the pain that they are going through. But unless you have felt that black deep pain filled with a hollow sadness then you don't know a thing. You can not judge a life. You can be mad and think about what you could have done to prevent it.

Has every single person on this earth thought about it at one point in their life? How many times? To what extent? Only the select few in my life have known the demons I've fought and at times continue to battle.

The question you should ask is, how strong can a person be to continue to struggle, living day to day and overcoming those feelings.

Don't just be the ear to listen to. Don't just be the arms to lean in for a hold. Actually be there next to them and hold their hand and try to feel just a smear pinch of what they need you to feel to understand. To understand what possibly goes through their mind that allows their heart to block the love with pain.