the end to the beggining

A lot happened this year. So much destruction and death. We have to think that the good out ways the bad. The part of the good is smaller than the bad so we have to focus on the small good to make us move forward. The year is coming to an end. Some of us believed that we wouldn't see past December 21, 2012 but we have moved so far into technology that that was not going to happen. God has bigger plans for us. We still don't know how it will end just know that we have to prepare ourselves for the future ahead. We have to be better persons not just for our own sake but for humanity.


in Missouri the day my family decided to go tubing

As the year comes to an end we focus on what the year has brought us. When that clock hits midnight we want to be with someone special.  Be it family, your love or a friend. The thought of spending a day like the end to the beginning of the year alone is both a happy one and a sad one. Some of us don't have any. We have to think that there is something better in store for us pray that the next year is better.

Some will start by saying,  I start this new year working out going to the gym. Why ? So that you will go for the first two months and quit. So that you will start that new diet but give up. This new years resolution has always been a fraud to me. If you want to loose weight why wait till the new year? Why not today? Instead start with a new challenge. Make a stranger smile, laugh, spend more time with family. Treat that friend more special. When you say you will pray for someone actually do it.

Mother nature has been doing us right this year but how well have we treated her. People still throw cigarette butts out the window. Think about recycling more. Plant something. The whole hour without electricity wouldn't work for a nation that lives off of technology.

Many famous people died this year but the not famous people out number them. Thousands will cry for one that lives in the spotlight but not for their neighbor.

When that clock hits midnight what will you reminisce? A whole year will flash back in one minute. How the mind works. You'll remember the ones who couldn't be there and toast to what will come. We keep wanting better but we don't change. How do you change? Make that call, just get up and walk out that door the world is ready. Make a change for yourself.



baby Maggie

baby Rafael

I will remember that I still have my parents and that alone makes me a lucky person. I still have my sisters and their family's health is good. That I still have Heather by my side and her family is healthy as well. I will remember all the bad experiences and remember all the good ones. I will be thankful that our family grew with two more little angels this year. I will also remember the hate that someone had to set our home in Mexico on fire. We learn from what happens to make us better persons.

I may not be rich with materialistic things but thank God that I am rich in many many other ways. I don't know what the new year will bring. I pray that it will bring more happiness than sorrow. I will focus on making a total stranger feel good about themselves. Begin a new challenge and maybe go camping. What will you want to remember this time next year?

As the year comes to an end just think about the new beginning. Hope that you are where you want to be when the clock hits midnight for they say how you end your year is how the next will begin. Whether its alone or filled with a huge crowd make it special your own way.

Whatever you do ladies remember your red undies for it's a legend that if you wear them crossing into the new year your next will be filled with love.

Cheers to my love, my family, and friends may our next year be that much more special. May we be who we want to be. May we give thanks to being able to celebrate another crazy happy year.

a christmas card

Have you ever had a best friend? No, really a best friend? A friend that would be like a sister or in some cases like a brother. Someone you talk to like a part of your family no hold backs? I met Jennifer my ninth grade of high school. She and I were two out of three girls in our class. We had to stick together. You see it was a class filled with boys and the third girl was prettier than us at least that's how the boys treated her. We decided from that classroom that we were determined to be the best friends possible. We would exchange letters over the summer. Talk on the phone about anything. She came to be the only other person that knew me, and I her. If something happened or we wanted to talk we were there for each other no matter what time of the night it was. I didn't celebrate my birthdays but she always wanted to make it a big deal. She was the first friend I had that spent the night at my house. She would drive from balch springs to come visit me in oak cliff. I would do the same. I helped her with her crushes on boys or whether she should cut her hair. I remember when she bought her new car how she came to the house so she could give me a ride in it. We didn't have prom dates so we went together as friends. I remember when she moved out, got her own apartment. I remember when she finally got a job that she liked and was happy to have my picture on her desk as a family member. She would say I'm her best friend from many many years. We'd even keep count of the years. I also remember when she was ready to be a mom. When I came out she took it as a surprise couldn't believe it but understood and was happy for me.

I moved to Kansas and we still kept in touch but it wasn't the same. She was beginning to prepare what she had always wanted...a family with someone that loved her dearly. As we got older her group of friends were not like my group of friends. Our likes were now our differences. When I moved back to Texas our friendship was still there but we wouldn't see or talk for months.

When I finally got a call it was too late. I didn't realize she had tried to find me. I was at work when I got the call. The last time I saw her she was laying peacefully.  I visited her mom just before the last goodbye and she and I cried together. She told me that Jennifer had missed me, that she was scared, that she wanted me to be there. I didn't know what to say. I just shared those moments with her mother and told her that I was sorry and that I didn't know. Jennifer seemed normal but no one knew it would end this way.

I think about her a lot. I think about the wedding she'd wanted the kids she'd have. I think about her birthdays. I think about her just out of the blue. One day I saw someone and stopped her to ask what her name was because she looked exactly like my best friend Jennifer. I mostly blame myself for not being there. I haven't been able to talk to her family. I wrote her mother once for her birthday. Turned out Jennifer always got a kick out off the fact that her mom's birthday was a day after mine. I never got a response.

I don't know how we let time pass by without speaking? I should have been a better friend. She was the only daughter to her mother. I wish I could turn back time. She needed me and I wasn't there. I never got to say goodbye.

I don't know if you have ever had a best friend? Not just someone that shows up sometimes but all the time. A friend that buys you a rose on valentines day because we weren't lucky to get them from someone else. A friend that didn't have to go drink to have a good time but met up at McDonald's to just sit there and talk. A friend that would miss lunch just to sit out and stare into space thinking about worries as time flew by. If you do have such a friend I can say that you are one lucky person. If you lost that friend go find them. If you haven't had such a friend maybe it's because they were there all along and you didn't realize it.

I came home one day last week from work asked Heather if she got the mail. Sometimes I don't even know why I ask her if I do it right after she does. She had gotten all the mail she said...so later when I went to check it myself I reached down my mailbox and found a letter addressed to me. As I began to open it tears poured down my face. Heather didn't know what was going on. It was the best Christmas card I could have received. Jennifer's mom mailed me a card with a special note in it.

It's been six years now that she hasn't been here. I still wonder what our lives would be like if she were here today.

love is ...

Sometimes we are asked this question " how did you meet ?" 

It was a day in September the year 2001. She introduced herself and well when she did I'm not going to lie I said " and who are you? " I took it as someone wanting to be my friend. The more I got to know her the more we had in common the more time I wanted to spend with her. For the first time in my life I found myself intrigued by someone. I didn't know what I was feeling. I was never really planning on ever getting involved with anyone. I had already made my life up. Wasn't ready for any extra drama and I came with a package that would make it difficult for me to allow my self to get involved with anyone.  As time went by I knew there was something more than just getting together for movies or spending countless hours on the phone. Finally on December 6th 2001 as I sat on her dads couch the question arose. Will you be more than my friend? I pretended to not know what she meant until she questioned me again. Will you be my girl? I had that feeling in my stomach that I've heard people say before so I thought well I do like you a lot so Yes. It was there that I had my first kiss. I had lived my life differently than the normal kid. So believe when I say that I was sitting there age 23 and had my first kiss. That is the moment I knew my life would never be the same. We were inseparable.

Our beginning was tough. My parents didn't take it very well. I don't blame them. There are things that I wish I could have done differently. All I knew was that I was in love. All I knew was to not give up. I am the oldest so then my sisters looked up to me. I was a big support for them and here I was introducing someone into my life. But here it is eleven years later and all I have to say is that I'm glad we never gave up. I've been there when she lost her grandparents and she has been there since before our first niece was born. I don't regret loving. We've had many obstacles but there hasn't been anything yet that we can't conquer. I sometimes wonder that people have said in the past "I wonder if their love will last?"  well it has. I love her more everyday.

i love her like when you get a brand new book and you don't want to fold the page to save the spot.
i love her like my coffee always has to have ice
i love her like when i hear my favorite song so i pump the volume so that everyone else can hear it.
i love her like a kid loves cake
i love her like a fish that needs water
i love her like a flower that needs the sun
i love her like................................

We lived in Kansas for a little while and I remember feeling like it was us against the world.  I ran out of medicine. I felt to the point of almost losing my last breathes. My medicine was at the point of being discontinued. She drove all over trying to find a store that carried it. Drove for hours and when I told her to give up she wouldn't.  I knew that this was just the beginning of our love story.

I believe in soul mates. I also believe that god has more than one soul mate for you it just depends where you are at that particular moment taking that step left or right. I was lucky. I sometimes ask Heather if she thinks we would have still met if our lives were different. She said yes.

The only advice I can give you is to love. There is no harm in doing so.

I met Heather in September of 2001 just a month after her moving here from Texarkana. Maybe if I wasn't working where we both met, who knew we were destined to cross each others path.

forever

Well friends it's over. The saga has ended yes I'm going to talk about this. It has been a long time but we found out how it would end. We pretty much knew how it would end but didn't know how emotional it would be. Watched it from the beginning. Something told me I would love it and
I did. Waited patiently for it but now sad that it's over. I never really cared for Bella she is not really a good actress but hey maybe it wouldn't be the same if she wasn't in between the two loves of her life. We don't know, it could have ended the other way around. I don't want to spoil it for you in case you hadn't seen it. Some people don't care for it. I took it as a love story with a twist. Who cares if it were vampires and werewolves the point that there could be love between to different beings was what mattered. One world colliding with another. Here it is day three of watching the finale and can't stop thinking of that intense last ten minutes of the film. Wanting them to do the reply over and over. I love movies but never have I been so into a series like this one. Didn't do Harry Potter, didn't do Lord Of The Rings and I know I didn't do Star Wars. If you didn't get into The Twilight Saga that's cool it wasn't for you. I chose Edwards side, his team. The thought of falling in love with someone out of your norm and wanting to be with them for eternity is what did it for me. Myth is that vampires live forever. I don't want to live forever it would be sad to see loved ones die and you stay on. But the fact of wanting to be with the one you love forever that's true. A husband dies and his wife is left alone how much longer does she follow him? A wife dies how can a husband live without her? It would be beautiful to know that two loves died together.

I am a fan, A Twilight Fan. Let me tell you of the last part of the saga experience. Our movie started at ten o'clock and we got there at nine and there was already a line that had extended pass the ropes. Across from us the 10:30 show had people already waiting on theirs. We waited til 9:45 to actually get in for our seats. As soon as we gave our tickets people were rushing to get to the seats which were still across the theatre. I took it upon myself to run. Yes I had a dork moment but that's okay the people behind us all also ran. You will not believe the different age groups and different cultures waiting to see this movie. I hadn't realized how this had impacted anyone else. Grand parents by themselves, mother with teenagers, and grown adults without kids.

when we arrived

I didn't care for how the movie started but how it ended was totally surprising. Grown men and women would yell at the screen. So many emotions going on so many screams of anger and happiness. There was even clapping involved. Here was a crowd that had watched it from the beginning like us and knew the story line and felt a connection that I literally cried at the one moment when I felt I had lost someone I cared for. It was just so emotional. If you saw it you know what I mean. Then that sigh of relief from the audience when we all gasped for air to have witnessed what had just happened. Just an awesome ending. As the movie goes off the cast appears on the screen from begging to end to the three most important characters. They show Jacob everyone cheers. They show Edward everyone cheers. They show Bella no one really cares. Sitting there to see if by any chance there will be more but there isn't.

sporting the shirt made for me by Heather 

 

Here I am Sunday after watching it Friday and still have it replaying the end in my head. Forever is Forever. There is no end. So as these lovebirds live the rest of their lives I'll tell you how I would want mine to end. Yes it's make believe but it doesn't hurt to love a love story.
.
Heather is driving the car and I'm in the passenger seat and it's the end of the world. We know we have no tomorrow. I look at her she looks at me we are holding hands say what will be our last words " i love you " and there is no next move.

Life would be so different without your partner. Try not to think about it just live life as if it were your last day loving.

black fabric

This past weekend we went to Denton to check out an exhibit dedicated to coffins. Weird I know. How the coffins are used. The many ways to bury someone. We like to feed our brains with knowledge be it what it is. Found out some things that wanted to share with you.

Back in 1998 my moms father died and at the funeral I took some pictures. It sounds crazy I know. I had never taken any pictures of lost loved ones but my mom asked me to. I thought to myself why would my mom want me to do this? Well it was the man that had raised her and she loved him as a father so I figured to be her last memories of him. Later I had to keep the photos from her because she would fall into such sadness that I felt it was best that she didn't remember in pictures. As the years passed by I didn't see this at funerals but then Heathers grandfather died and I cared for him that I wanted to take pictures of his last stay here on earth so I did. I thought no one would know this feeling, I had to try to keep the very last memories of him. I could keep him in photo form. I didn't share these pictures with anyone else but I knew then why my mother wanted me to take some of her father.

covering a mirror

Now a days a funeral is blasted on cyber world like crazy. I think it's something private. Something shared only for the intimate. This leads me to what we learned. Back in the earlier years people would take pictures with the family member that had just passed. For example if my brother died today I would have him sitting in a chair and me and the family would sit next to him for one last picture. If my great aunt died today I would have her dressed laying up in bed with her eyes open and us sit next to her on the bed for one last picture. If a mother had three children and one died she would have her two living children sit next to her passed child and take a picture together. This was very normal. If it was normal then what happen to today? It would be considered taboo. A story that was shared with us by the guide that day was that a soldier was at war. Back home his wife was ready to give birth when she lost her baby. The soldier was able to come home for the loss of his child. While the family waited for him to arrive they had someway preserved the baby. They preserved the baby so that when he did arrive he could hold his baby and a photographer would take the one photo of father holding his child. The one memory that he and the family would have. Some would say creepy while others would look at it to be something sad and beautiful. 


wreath made out of hair

preparing the body

One thing that I noticed was that when the families took pictures with the deceased person they were not smiling but had sorrow in their faces the reason I say this is because I have seen pictures of family at funerals smiling. I think that they don't realize that they are at a funeral and the thought of a camera shot made them smile.

When someone passed the body would be placed at their home all the mirrors would be covered with black fabric. Superstitions would be so that their souls wouldn't get lost in another realm. We use flowers today for the beauty of decorating the space where they will be seen last or put to rest but back then it was used to cover the smell of the body. Back then they would have the undertaker come to the home to perform the embalming. The body would stay there for some days so they had to find a away to cover the smells. It sounds gross but that is natural when you die. We have come along way with the way this technique is used. Things that would be kept from the deceased would be locks of hair or something of very importance. Today would be money or objects of affection. An object from the exhibit was a wreath made out of human hair. The lady that had done this had collected years of hair and had turned it into a wreath to preserve as a family heirloom. Another thing that was significant was that at the time the person was pronounced dead the clocks in the home would be stopped. When you would come visit the family you would know the time of death. Wicker caskets were used as body bags.


wicker coffin

I filled my brain with knowledge that might help me see how it would be when I die. People don't really talk about death don't sit around a group of people and talk about it over drinks. I know I hadn't but now that I'm getting older that is always on my mind. One day you are here the next moment you don't know what happened. I believe in when I say  " if I die today will you care tomorrow". The reason I say this is because if you didn't take the moment to speak to me yesterday, and I died today why care about me tomorrow. When I pass only the very few will know.

Will you take pictures?  There was more meaning to the way someone was remembered back then than today.  However you decide to honor your loved one make it you not of what others might think. If you decide not to wear black don't do it. A funeral should be a celebration of a loved one that lived his or her life here on earth the way it was intended to be. A gathering of stories of the celebration of the life lived.

They have moved on to the next level because does it ever end?

1313 mockingbird lane

This past Saturday we had an adventure that could date back to black and white. The Munster Mansion was awesome. We arrived late around 9pm and waited in line for about an hour and a half. They would let only twelve people at a time. Only two groups were allowed inside the house at once. Outdoor activities took place and characters in costume entertained us. The question I had asked was the tour worth it. People replied with "yes it is awesome."

I learned about the mansion three years ago. I learned that they had opened their home to the public in 2002 and have dedicated to one weekend in October to showing their home. Everything you see from the characters, food, games, prizes are donated. Everything made this weekend goes to a special charity which is the SPCA of Ellis County. I was like a kid when they let us go ahead of a group. They opened that door and you could see the dragon under the stairs. The house was just unbelievable. They have made friends with people that have helped them make this possible. Some were original props from the show to some were made to be replicas. Every year you never know what will be an original. My favorite room was Eddie's. From the huge human size birdcage to the secret passage way. They live in the home the way it is dressed on the show. From the beds to the dinning room. They even had a fridge made to be identical to the show. They had the phone booth in a coffin. Lily (Sandra Mckee) even had dresses that were made to look like the originals. One was made out of the fabric from a coffin. It was just out of this world. We couldn't take pictures on the inside but some people were being sneaky in doing so. I just didn't want to get thrown out. I got the opportunity to ask Lily (Sandra) what made all this possible? If she is a fan? She laughed and told me that it started from a joke and it grew. They built the house from ground up. Someone asked a tour guide what their profession was. I bet everyone was thinking it. You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Lily and Herman (Charles Mckee) are some of the nicest people that I have dealt with in a long time. We plan on going back but it won't be till five years from now. I want to see how much it has changed. Lily (Sandra) never met the real Lily (Yvonne De Carlo) but got the opportunity to talk to her over the phone before she died. They have a room filled with memorabilia. People all over have sent them items for their collection. Talk about fans. The tours started at seven there wasn't a wait in line then but I have to say my wait was well worth it. If you grew up watching the Munsters you have got to check this place out. Kids went to accompany their parents but couldn't understand why the house was the way it was.

Walked to the living room then the kitchen I asked the guide do they move the objects to keep them safe? The guide said no the way you see it is the way they live. The kitchen had permanent spider webs and the dust and fog were an every day look. Then we walked upstairs to the bedrooms. Herman and Lily's first, then Marylin, then Grandpa's, then Eddie's. The secret passage way from Eddie's room took us back downstairs to the memorabilia room, then an antique room and the one room in that house that looks normal. The normal room led us believe to be just a relaxing room where Herman keeps his guitars.

If you didn't get an opportunity to go this year there will be next year. It's a must see attraction.

If they made this home their mansion ....what is your passion?

episodes

I haven't been able to write in awhile or to tell you of my adventures. I would like to say that one day I'm in Mexico and the next back what I call home. Mexico is where my parents grew up, met, feel in love, and married. Mexico is a part of me. I'd like to believe it to be a fairy tell. They've had so many obstacles and when I hear stories they have me thinking I wouldn't be who I am today if it not for them. I would have wanted to be a better person but things happen. I can actually say that things have happen in my life that can not possibly happen to someone else. So I say don't judge me because you don't know where I've been or where I come from. What you see is what you get. My life consists of my soul mate Heather, my parents, my sisters, my nieces, nephews and my in laws. The word in laws is just horrible so my family sounds better. The very few good friends I have make up a part of my life.

jealousy turns into hate and hate makes you do things that will blow your mind.

i live my life not thinking of looking over my shoulder for my enemies but they are there.

the devil finds ways to bring you down always. it's a continuing battle.

you stand there looking and without realizing it, it attacks. you scream because you didn't see it coming. the next thing you know to do is shield. not realizing how lucky you are that god made it seem less painful and harmless as it could have been. i cried out of anger....... not from pain.

teeth marks from a dog in Mexico
yes i was told he had his shots.

just a chapter in my life and I'll be ready for future ones.