melt down

The day starts off great then you have a melt down. At least this is what I think happened to me. I don't show it maybe because I try to hide the fact that I carry an inhaler. I have asthma. It's something that I am not proud of. I've had it since I was about two years old. My mother recalls my first episodes and I have it stuck in my mind ever since. It has gotten better since I've grown. I remember doing a lot to try to get rid of my asthma but of course you really can not. I've been there done that as far as helping to try to ease it to it's minimum. Who ever has asthma knows how it feels like to try to catch your breath.

I tried getting a refill on my prescription today over the phone and the doctor refused to give me one. She wouldn't let me have one due to the fact that I haven't recently sat in her office to hear the same thing over and over. Doctors have claimed to help me with my asthma. I've been used as a guinea pig all my life so I know what to expect when visiting a doctor that thinks they can help control it. I have visited plenty of them in my lifetime. I'm okay I don't need it at the moment but I do have to see her next week so that she can allow me to breath again normally if need be. I don't really blame her I mean she needs to make money off of me just to help with her daily life expenses. So from today till next week I hope I can make it without having what I call an episode.

I'm about to clock out and finish what I have to do in the back of my J O B when it hits me. I start to cry and get mad at the fact that I need a freaking inhaler to allow me to breath. Why do I rely on such a small piece of device to allow me to take that breath to help me function in daily activity. Makes me feel like a machine that needs adjusting from time to time to survive. It's just not right. What makes me more upset is the fact that the doctor knows I need this to breath and she thinks that I can just wait on her to get it. Like if my life depends on her signing a piece of paper. Then I realize I have to stop crying before someone sees me and I'd have to explain why they wouldn't understand the kind of melt down I just had.

But I shouldn't worry because if need be I can come to the doctors office after hours to get a treatment to help me pass my episode and I still will not get an inhaler. Isn't life just grand in the hands of another.