Christmas on Polaroid Film

Some of my favorite Polaroids

It was a Saturday afternoon and I happen to be in Grapevine. I saw a house in the middle of the street hidden to the side with a sign that read estate sale. There were no cars I saw a white truck get close as to stop but just kept driving. I got out of the car and went through the garage door that was opened. I went inside and found people talking. They were a few decades older than me. They were talking about what they were going to do with so much stuff still in the house. Cabinets that had not been opened in years. I saw this glass bookshelf in the kitchen filled with cookbooks. I began to look at things on the floor and drawers that still had things in them. I made my way to a room in the back. The room was a huge bathroom with closets. Strange to find closets in the bathroom. To my left his cloths to my right were hers. I like to find unusual things. He loved wrangler shirts and had boxes filled with memories. Her closet had shirts with flowers. I could see how she was his flower. As I'm wandering inside the house from one room to another, I hear them worried about what they were going to do with so many things still in the house. One suggested getting some college kids to help and pay them with money and pizza. When I go to an estate sale, I always leave something behind that I regret not getting. I told myself that I was not going to do that anymore. I had been looking for a cheese grader I know silly right. To my surprise I found one hiding in a top shelf. I've been wanting one to put my earrings on. I'm going to paint this forgotten kitchen ware to place my earrings. He gave it to me for free. As I was leaving, I asked if I could buy a box of photos I had come across. When I went into his closet there were boxes of memories, papers, notes, and photographs. Something that I do in my own home. He asked if I could show him what I was talking about. He followed me and I opened the shoe box and grabbed a box of polaroid film. He gave it to me. I said, "are you sure"? He said he had no use for them, and they would probably end up in the trash. I was a little sad but really excited that he was giving them to me. I like collecting photographs. People I do not know, I try to make out their story in the photos. My parents did not have the money to capture our photos when we were little. I grew a passion for photography. People do not print them as much anymore. I still print mine. Of course, I do not print every single one but at the end of each year I save my most favorite ones and get them printed. I know one day I'll get older, and I'll want to sit and look at them. I liked taking pictures and not knowing what they were until I got them developed. Now in my possession I own a box of twenty-six polaroid film photos of strangers I've never met. As I'm looking through them, I start recognizing the things I happen to see from that day I stepped foot in that house. I remember the fireplace, the couch, the end table. Some decades later the photos I'm looking at are people in the same living room opening their Christmas presents. On Christmas day 2021 I would be in my living room looking at their photos. They never would have known a person like me would be in their living room. It is just a story but not just any story It is my version of a Christmas story. 

Merry Christmas, Gabriela

Pick n Pull

 Today I carried my Pa's tool box.

It was during the week that I had a craving for some Chinese food. There is this place in Irving I like to go, to bring some home. I save my fortune cookie to eat it later.  A while later I'm looking for my cookie. I could not find my cookie. I retraced my steps. I knew I had seen it but did not remember where I had placed it. Turns out I had thrown it away. Yes I decided to look in my trash and there it was still in its wrapper. I said to myself, how could I have thrown my fortune away. I opened it up and it read "you will do something different this weekend". I kept it like I keep all my fortunes. Just so you know fortunes are never true or actually happen it's just a fun thing to read. Almost like getting a fortune that belongs to someone else in this universe or just a pick me up note that needed to be read that day. 

It was nearing the weekend and I had that fortune still in my head. I kept thinking what if anything indeed happened this weekend that would be out of my norm. 

A while back my dad had been wanting to go to the Pick n Pull. The Pick n Pull you ask? It's a place where cars end up after they no longer have life. Cars that no longer are drivable end up in a place called Pick n Pull. You search for body parts that you need by picking a car and pulling the parts from it to replace them on your car. It's also a sad reality to think that these cars end here because of accidents. 

When I was little my dad would take me with him. I do not remember if I liked going or if I went because my dad was going. All I remember was that I liked to explore. It was like a playground for me. I used to go a lot with my dad. It was the cheapest way to find parts for his vehicles. As I got older I stopped going with him. 

Forward a few years later in life my close friend turned out to be a mechanic. I became that friend that would accompany him. As he picked parts I would wander around looking for things that amused me. I was an adult feeling like a kid again. I started going with him almost every month.  

On my unplanned weekend I called my dad and said "Pa you want to go to the Pick n Pull?" By the time I got to the house he had his tool box ready. The last time I had gone to the Pick n Pull was over a year ago. I'm going to go ahead and tell you that I was more excited than usual to go. It's not a place for children and not a place for women. If you have ever gone to a Pick n Pull then you can see It's not a safe place for children and it does not have a woman's vibe. There is an entrance fee but because I'm a lady I got in free. I laughed a little inside when he said ladies get in for free. It felt like the times the ladies get in for free at the club. We wandered up and down left and right till we found what we were looking for. We hit the car part jackpot it felt like the car was there waiting on us.

The years are catching up with my Pa. He does not carry the same strength as when I was little. As he would stop I would walk around to see what I could find. I do not know if he ever lost me when I went with him when I was a little girl. Now a grown woman calling out for my Pa because I lost him. 

You would be surprised with the things you find at a place like this. Since I like taking photos it has a totally different meaning for me. When I would go with my friend he noticed I would take pictures and there would be times I think he would take me so that I could explore. My Pa would take me so that he would have company. 

I guess you could say that for once my fortune cookie came to be true. It's a place out of the norm that I ended going to this weekend. I try to keep memories like this with me. When I would go with my friend it reminded me of when I was little. Reminded me the times I would go with my messy hair and come home with my dirty grease hands.  

When it's time to leave you go to the front desk to pay for your car part. What made this an awesome visit was the person at the desk let us have the part for free. Crazy to think about the things that bring me joy. Maybe fortunes in a cookie are meant for oneself to make them happen. 

Music Man

I had gone to my parents house late in the afternoon. I was pulling up to the driveway when both were getting out of their car. I question them like if I was the parent. I ask where they had been, how they be running the streets instead of being home? They had came from an estate sale down the street. They asked if I wanted to go? I mentioned if they would want to go again since they just left. They without hesitation got back in the car and drove back to the home. It was a house hidden down a hill. In all the years that my parents have lived in their home I had never been down this street. I walked in and the first thing that caught my eyes was a box of  vinyl records. I was going through them when a lady approached me and asked if I liked records? I told her that I've always liked having one or two. Strange how they are coming back to life. She stepped away for a few seconds came back and said if I give her a few minutes there was a box of old ones in the shed. She had called her son to see where they had remembered they saw them in the home. As I looked through the house I could tell it had belong to a man, no sign of woman belongings. He was a military man. He had his military gear through out the home. I was standing in the living room with  a brown couch with yellow carpet. If you went to the back yard it was like stepping into a forest. You couldn't see where the backyard ended. Trees and bushes filled the back of the house. I could picture an old man enjoying coffee early mornings just seeing nature come to life as the sun came up. A breath of fresh air. They found the container of old records and brought it in the the living room and asked me to go through them to see which ones might catch my eye. He had small ones in a tin box. The kind of tin box used to carry tools in. I went through them but didn't recognize any of the names. Old sheets of music that if you touched them the ink would be erased. It would become lost music. I realized not only was he a military man but he loved to square dance. Most of the records in that box were of square dancing. I know he had a love once because his daughter was the one now selling his things. As I was about to leave I saw an instrument that looked like an old guitar. I'd never seen one like this before. It was made out of wood and the strings were metal like fork prongs that came up from the guitar. If played you would place it on your lap and fling the prongs towards you to play music. I asked how much it was? The guy married to the daughter told me it was a rare vintage instrument. I wanted it for that reason. Just something cool to have. I didn't buy it, I regret not getting it. A few months later I saw it in a documentary. It was being played in the film. A family in Asia was sitting in a circle on the floor and the daughter was playing the instrument. It made sense now how a man in the United States was probably stationed in the military over seas and had brought it home. Had I bought it when I had the chance it would have a different meaning to the instruments story. We tend to hold on to things that have meaning. Here was a man that really just enjoyed music. I'll call him the music man.

This was the day I came home with The Johnny Cash Show vinyl. It was the only thing I bought. A vinyl that will remind me of the music man I never had the opportunity to meet. 

Finding Gloves on New Years Day

• It was the very first day of the year and I was on my way to Arkansas. The drive was nice and calm I could feel the gears shifting driving between the mountains. Fog filled the air. The plan was to check out The Crystal Cloudscape at The Momentary Museum. I drove checked into the hotel then headed over to the museum. I wanted to go in December but I got sick and the last day to see the exhibit was January the third. I wanted to see the museum but honestly it was to get away. To go for a drive to a designated destination. I couldn't travel last year because of the pandemic. So decided to plan this last minute trip to start off my year. While others were celebrating this day with family I was in a place where no one would know me. I'm always surrounded by kind people. At the museum the tour guide began talking to me of course I told her I had traveled five hours to get on this yellow ladder to see the garden

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• She began telling me where I should eat but from my excitement I forgot. I asked her if it was walking distance so that I could explore more but considering it was already dark and getting late she suggested I drive. Once I left the museum I googled a place to eat. It took me to a restaurant in their downtown square. I choose the cheeseburger I mean why not. I had other waiters come by my table to say Happy New Years to me. I know I looked out of place. I was the one that looked native and the one that drinks coffee with their cheeseburger. My waitress gave me a coffee to go. It was nearing eight and I went for a walk. As I began to walk I spotted some gloves on a bench next to them was a wrapped gift. The gloves were new still had the tags. I thought maybe someone left them there by accident. I walked the whole square even went to a Wal-Mart right on the square. I had not realized I was in Bentonville, Arkansas. How crazy to have it there but the Sam Walton museum was just a few feet away. As I was heading back to my car I saw another gift hanging from a pole. Once I saw the second one I felt like if they were for me to find. I didn't spend Christmas with my family. I still didn't pick either gift. I left them there for someone else that might have needed them. At that moment I realized I didn't get a present this Christmas it felt different and even though I wanted to be nosey and see what was inside the wrapping I felt that there was someone else that might have needed them the most.

I felt good knowing that there are kind people that actually leave small gifts for people that might bring them some joy. It was really cold that day those gloves would have come in handy for someone. I thank God for Google Maps. On my way back home the next day it took me through the country side of Arkansas a place hidden from the city life. It reminded me of the roads traveled through Mexico. I saw some abandoned falling down old homes. I wondered at times why I traveled though this road. Soon it started to snow. As snow was falling it gave it a different feeling on this country road. Seeing the white fall on the trees that lead to the woods. It was a feeling I couldn't explain. Reminded me of something my dad said right before I left. I called my dad the morning first of January the year twenty-twenty one to tell him of where I was going. He said if it shows signs of snow turn around and come back home

               ..Here the day it actually was snowing I was coming back home. 

Sandalwood

I got up early Saturday morning determined to go to an estate sale. I put the address in my maps app and when I found out how long the drive was I was hesitant. I had the morning free and knowing I had nothing planned I went for the drive. Eight on a Saturday morning heading to Fort Worth. There is something about an estate sale that gets my attention. It's a totally different feeling than stopping at a garage sale. I arrive to my destination come in through the back of the house. Nothing catches my eyes not even the bin of dollar books. What is so special about an estate sale? Let me tell you my version of why I enjoy going to one. You walk into someone's home. You get to know that person by what they had in their home. I take it like a small museum of a persons life. The things they collected, the places they have been too, or the way they lived their life. In most cases it's when who lived in this home are no longer here to tell you what they were doing when they went on vacation and bought that cup, what they cooked in that now vintage crockpot, and what party they went to that they wore that dress. Many memories lived now for sale. When you leave to never return you leave with nothing. All your possessions get left behind. You will not know who gets what or if it gets trashed. Through these past few months I've learned to part with my memories. Trying to become a minimalist is hard but refreshing.

As I walk into the kitchen through the living room and pass a hallway I make it to a back bedroom. The floor was filled with beautiful shoes still in their boxes. Shoes only meant to be worn by someone that loved fashion. Shoes knowing that they were probably over twenty five years old. Beautiful colors some that would belong in a fashion magazine worn my models on the runway. She wore every shoe in that room yet managed to keep them vibrant and neat. I asked for the sizes but none could fit my feet. For someone like me to have been able to walk this ground with a pair of those shoes would have had even my mom asking were I got those shoes from and how much did they cost me? I was inside a home where a fashionista had lived.

Before I was about to leave I made it back to the kitchen next to it was the garage made into a din. A table full of jewelry was on display. A big box made to put earrings in was sitting on the table. I started to go through them. Earrings I knew I would never see again. Earrings that matched some of those shoes in the other room. I was going through them when a husband and wife came in asking about the owner of the house. I tried not to be nosey but they were standing five feet away from me. The owner of the house had been diagnosed with cancer this past October and she lost the battle. She lived alone, her brother in another state and a sister living in east Texas. When she found out she was sick she wanted to stay. She didn't want to live with her siblings. Here it was almost three months later and she was gone. Her friend of forty years checked in on her from time to time. She never had children and her family all lived far away from her. Her friend became a family friend and she was the one in charge of selling her things and in two weeks putting the house up on the market.

I'd like to say that the bracelets were a gift considering how much she gave them to me for.

I didn't say a word, didn't even look up to see them. I tried not to feel sad. I was about to leave when I stopped to look at the earrings, had I not stopped I would have never heard the story. I don't know why I'm meant to hear some stories.  I waited for them to walk away to check out. I got me seven pairs of earrings. I picked out the ones I knew I'd wear. She gave them to me for fifty cents a pair. I did ask that one question some of you might be thinking? I asked if she ever married? The person at an estate sale is normally not related or friend of the home so she told me she didn't know. She wanted to know if I wanted to ask the friend telling her story. I said no. In a way it was best that I didn't know. I just wanted to know if she had loved that great love that we get to live at least once in our lifetime. But I'll settle with knowing she had the love of fashion. The kind of love that shows in the colors of her outside soul.

Sandalwood the house on the corner in a Fort Worth street angled to meet both sides of the street for whomever passed by wouldn't have imagined the rainbow that lived inside.  

You are one lucky human being

Ask this question? Ask your significant other if they are willing to listen to you as you tell them what interests you? I've seen my sisters grow into the successful woman that they have become. They are strong individuals that will not take failure in their daily life routine. Over the weekend we saw my baby sister take her final journey across the stage as she is now a Nurse Practitioner. I do not know how many days she thought about giving up. I do not know how many times she would tell me to pray for her. Her husband probably saw her break in tears, tired from lack of sleep, and skipping meals to try to get to the finish line. She is not the only sister I have with a supporting husband. All my sisters managed to finish their degrees while with their husbands. They are still pursuing their continuous education as they continue to add to their names. Soon I'll also have a sister that has been working on her doctorate. I do brag on my sisters because it wasn't easy growing up. There were hard times and to see them achieve their dreams is knowing that anything is possible. I always tell them how lucky they are. They have supporting husbands that will go through the struggle to see their woman succeed. Whatever goals they have their husbands know how important it is to them. When you have a spouse that wants to make a better way of living and you are with that person you also gain from their achievements. Be that supporting individual that wants the same thing for your family.

Texas Woman's University 2019

Today I was helping a man that is from South Africa. I don't know how we started the conversation but he gave me his story and it made me feel good. He had just graduated the university while being married and raising six children. He has two in high school, two in middle school, and has the last two in elementary. He named all the schools they go to. I couldn't believe he was able to achieve his dream. He said "I need to set an example for my children". "I come from South Africa and have raised them in my culture ways even though they are born here". He showed me his picture they took of him as he walked the stage. I could tell he was so proud. His professors couldn't understand how he managed to do it. I knew how he managed to do it. He has a loving wife and family beside him supporting him. He has family to give him the motivation he needed to get to his finish line.  Here I was looking at a man that was starting to show his grays. I was talking to a man that is now a graduate of Finances with a big smile of pride on him.

Some never achieve their dreams. Some depend on others for support. Do not rely on someone else to make you want to do better. If there is something you want to finish, then finish it. If you are with someone and they do not want to see you succeed then they will only drag you down. Always do it for you but if you have someone supporting your dreams then by all means you are a lucky human being. Always be with someone that has the same vision as you do for if you do not share the same vision it only will ever just be a blur.

The story never ends...….

Ten Year Challenge

I'm going to share a little about how I've become to look like what I look like now. It has taken me through a journey and I can not seem to stop. You see I exercise when the rest of the world is probably at home sitting on the couch watching a series on their cable TV. I don't have cable, I know that alone is strange. I do watch TV but I tend to watch movies. I feel like it takes from my time. I have come to use my time differently than what I used to use it. I have a membership to a gym that I do get to use when the weather outside is unbearable. While you are indoors in the warmth of your home I'm outside walking and running two miles up to five times a week. Yes it's cold outside but man I can be covered in sweat. I enjoy the feeling of how my body feels after working out. I don't think I'd ever say that. My sister told me the other day that she went out in the cold to do something similar as my workout and told me she didn't know how I do it. Don't get me wrong sometimes when I exercise I cry. I cry out of anger of pushing my body to work harder. I cry because I realized that I have to work harder to get at my goal. I cry because I think about the words used towards me. I cry because sometimes my body gets tired but I know I can not give up. So even though I cry it's a good cry because when I look in the mirror I see my results. It's a good cry because I'm wearing clothes I hadn't wore in ten years. I'm close to the weight I was when I graduated high school and some of you know that's a long time for me. I see myself in the mirror and say damn you look good. I pep myself up. I'm at that point now where I'm building what I call soft muscle. Yes the I still want to look like a girl with muscles. In one year I managed to loose weight I'd gained in ten years. I think about it and I still can not believe it. I told myself that I will not ever go back to that person that I was before. I'm still the same being but with a different outlook. I started this journey when I fell but I got back up slowly. I've managed to stay up and keep going. I keep seeing this ten year challenge on social media so I decided to give it a try. Once I put both pictures together I was embarrassed to even share it because I hadn't realized how I had let myself go. I was too comfortable with what I though was okay. But I keep thinking about it and no, I am the change that I needed to be to realize that I could be better. That I fought with myself to be the look that I am now. I can not say I'll stop because it has become a way of life. I am my own motivator. I wore a dress on new years day something I hadn't done in years. Yes I make heads turn. I just keep walking with the confidence that I've help build up. I don't do this alone. As I'm pushing my body to the extreme I ask God to give me the strength I need to not give up. A body is capable of anything and I know I'm capable of anything. If you try hard enough you will see results. I'm a new me. I'm a better version of myself. So while I don't share the times I'm at the gym or the fact that it's fifty degrees outside breaking a sweat just know I will not give up. I will not give up because I'll always remember those harsh words that became my motivation that led to me saying, thank you.

2019 vs 2009

The house by the creek

There are certain places that seem just right to go to during the night. I know that a lot of people enjoy this time of year. I freaking love it with a passion. It's the month I care to enjoy it all. I visit haunted houses, listen to ghost stories, watch all the scary movies that will come out, and end it with a Day of the Dead celebration. The most anticipated holiday I look forward too celebrating. I haven't planned anything ahead. I've just been going with what comes to mind. Went to my first haunted house this past weekend. Creekside Manor Haunted House in Midlothian, Texas. Proceeds of the ticket sales go to a charity. It was a group of five braves souls. We welcomed a new beginner to the scares. I did everything backwards by being the leader, the front woman to go in first.

It was a house in the woods. I parked my car across the street. Met with the rest of the group and bought our ticket. One person went to the restroom before going inside. It is always important to go to the restroom before going inside. The entrance had a small cemetery setting leading to a small room. You have to pass the small room to get in line to go inside. Beware of the small room. The house looked broke down with boarded windows. The house was perfect on a rainy night. We debated on going because it had started to rain hard. I would normally cancel but not this night. Rain was coming down hard but I told myself and the rest of the crew that it might stop by the time we got there. Minutes before we arrived it stopped raining. Once in line to get in the big house we start wondering how long the experience will be. We wonder if what we paid was going to be worth the scare. It was their first weekend opening and we couldn't wait to get the season started.

They took our tickets and it was our turn. Our group got to go inside together. Once inside the smell of mildew filled the air. It was the perfect setup for what we were about to endure. I went first holding my friends arm. Two more friends followed and our fifth friend was in the back. I do not know what I was thinking going in first. I kept screaming and yelling going through the narrow halls. Kept yelling for our fifth friend to see where she was. I got so scared at one scary creature that I actually pushed him away. I put my hand on his chest and pushed. I don't think I was suppose to do that but he got me good. I would run through there dragging my friend with me. Of course the chainsaw would try to scare us once we would step outside. I think by this point I would be used to it by now but nope I ran. These are the times when if you aren't a runner you would be the first one out of there.

Creekside Manor Haunted House

The whole experience was really scary good. The drive wasn't that bad. I woke up the next morning with a hoarse voice. It's Monday and a bruise on my hand finally appeared. I don't remember hitting my hand on anything but then again when you get scared the adrenaline kicks in.

The best haunted houses are the ones in the middle of nowhere. The houses that are in the woods. If I'm asked if I would go back to this one, the answer is yes. I'm going to start to pack a cooler with drinks because these places make you hot and thirsty. Yes hot and thirsty for more.

Which ever haunting you go to this year may you cry from laughing hard at yourself, have you loosing your clothes, (in my case my shoe), or have you almost pee your pants.

But whatever happens just be brave. Be scared of the real not the make belief.

A house built in 1854

My plan was to take the drive today, being the first of October. I took yesterday off work. I got up early decided to go for a walk came back and had my morning coffee. I began watching some scary stories on YouTube. The time now was twelve o'clock. I was thinking should I go ahead and go today? I mean I'm not doing anything. By one o'clock I had me an ice coffee to go and headed for the highway. The time it took to get to my destination was three hours. Once in the car I was thinking was I crazy? But I've done this before so I was just listening to music with my window down. My hair blowing making it messy but I didn't care. I tend to say what I feel the day I'm living with the people I see. I never know if it will be my last. I also never tell anyone where I'm going. I don't tell them because they worry. Half way to my destination I'm listening to my music when the car in front of me slams on their brakes. I began to slam on my breaks. It was a two lane highway due to construction. I was on the left lane on my right an eighteen wheeler. I began to hit my brakes so hard that I ended making my own lane in between the car and the eighteen wheeler. Lets just say I was one lucky traveler. It could have ended rammed behind the car or under that big rig. I guess it wasn't time for me yet....again. The car in front of me wasn't paying attention because she was on her phone and slammed on her brakes. I told myself, was it meant for me to even continue my trip? Just an hour and a half more to go.

under beautiful blue skies sets a home worth saving

I passed the dirt road that led to what I was looking for. I made a u-turn and it was now three fifty. I could see it as I was driving up to it. There it was the Texas Chainsaw Massacre House. How freaking exciting after so many years of wanting to actually make the trip I finally made the journey. It wasn't the original place the home of the house was placed. It was also surrounded by a fence and cameras were put in place. There was a box of flyers telling you about the house. I could have disobeyed the privacy that they were asking to keep and gone under the fence. Since I hadn't told anyone where I was I felt that I'd be missing for days had I trespassed. People actually live on the land. The house is boarded up but it's in the process of being restored. The house is real. The actual story of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre isn't, or at least that is what they want you to believe. I don't think that if you actually had something like this happen to your family you'd want to be associated with the story. This is the house used as the prop for the movie. The house was moved from the University of Texas campus to this location when the City of Austin bought the land. To preserve the history of this house they moved it to a family farm now in Granger, Texas. It's a piece of Texas history so the plan is to conserve the house. Even though it was boarded up it was just a beautiful thing to see. Pictures were allowed. The idea of actually making the trip to see if it even existed was well worth the drive.

I went in day light don't know if I would have gone at night. I don't recommend you going alone. I take adventures by myself but if you want to explore Granger, Texas don't do it alone. Once I was an hour back home I let my sisters know I had gone on an adventure. Would I do this again....most definitely. I will always feed my wandering soul. Love this gypsy life now given. Will I ever stop? Not even close. Happy haunting to another start to a scary season. Go live and be free to do the things meant for you to see. I'm living this dream of finding what makes my wandering soul feel free.

Was it scary? No. Was it exciting? Hell yes it was. Do I need new brakes? Most definitely.

Thirty something years later picking shells

I honestly don't remember how old I was the last time I went to Galveston. I remember all my sisters were there, two still in diapers. When we were younger our family along with my Godmother's family went to Galveston. Spent a weekend there. I remember us parking on the sand and waking up to the sound of the water in the morning. One memory I always carry with me was when me and my sister Monica walked up and down the shore line picking up shells and putting them in our buckets. We both filled the buckets half way. We put them beside our car that day as we were about to eat what both our families had cooked. We used to do a lot with my Godmother and her family. Our families became close but as the years grew old we started to drift apart. I wonder if they still remember stories like this one. The next morning when me and my sister went to check on our shells we both grabbed our buckets and as we started to walk away with them we began screaming and immediately threw the buckets on the ground. Small like creatures were coming out of the shells. Yeah those buckets never made it home.

The love of my life

My sister Pati now with her own family invited me to tag a long on their Galveston trip. I enjoy the beach life and spending time with them so I said yes. We went for the weekend. Got all the sun rays we could possibly get. Enjoying the beach life. So many years had passed since I've set foot on these sands. I'd say close to thirty years. My sister Pati is mother to my Godchild. I love all my little ones but this one has a special place in my heart. I'm forever thankful the day I became a Godmother. It was her turn now, she at the age of three was walking down the shoreline with her father picking up shells and putting them in a bucket. Something so simple yet beautiful too see. Her tiny self wearing her little one piece bending down to pick up the shells turning to her father to show and give them to him to carry. When my sister invited me I took it as a small getaway. But this moment in time meant so much more to me than she will ever know. I was here with my father thirty something years ago picking shells down the shore with my Godmother. Thirty some years in the future I would have never thought I'd be looking at my goddaughter doing the same thing in the same place. I had my godmother and now she had hers. We relived the same story. The same experience.

Galveston 

I began to think of how many memories I'd miss because I didn't take the time to just let my mind wonder. I'll never forget this small getaway. The time I spent with my goddaughter. When we arrived she didn't want me to come home. She loved me that day. She doesn't know how much I love her.

One story I'll tell them when they are older is when her and her brother wanted to see my belly button. Belly button you ask? My little nephew was drawing himself on paper to kill some time on the road. He then drew me on paper. I of course had a bigger belly button than him. At that moment he realized he had never seen if I had a belly button. He insisted to see if in fact I had one. I said to both curious minds that I'd show them later. Well as soon as we made a stop it was show time. I was sitting down when they both approached me. You should have seen a three little girl with her six year old brother both squatting down to see my belly button. The excitement to have proved I had one after all.

The exciting life that is my life. Weirdly odd but I love it. I couldn't have it be a boring one.

Just live the most smallest of experiences, for those are what matter in the end.

A beautiful pink fluffy dress

I remember around this time last year, I asked my niece if she wanted a quinceanera. She said "no". She was never big on parties. A big celebration was not her thing. She started high school this year. She was beginning to go to her friends quinceaneras. She like the whole wearing a pretty dress, a celebration of a becoming a young lady. One day she said ... "I actually wouldn't mind having a big party". She has always been a good kid. She doesn't get into trouble and her mind is still innocent and humble. My sister and her husband thought about it and within less than six months decided there would be a big celebration. We had less than six months to plan one of the biggest parties a young girl in our culture would have. She was turning fifteen, my how the years pass. My parents had four daughters and we didn't have one of our own. I don't know how my sister did it. A party that normally takes a year to plan, she planned in half the time.

Our niece is special to us so we wanted to make her day special. Don't tell my sister but the night before the big day I was still working on center pieces. I had gotten sick and didn't have the energy to work on them. The morning came to go to church to finally see her in her princess dress. She has always been beautiful but on this day she wasn't little anymore. You want her to stay as childlike for as long as you can but on this day you realize that those days are slowly becoming the past. It was her day and she knew not to disappoint us. As much as we wanted it to be a perfect day, she wanted it to be perfect for us. She may not realize how much she means to us, but she holds a special place in our hearts. I really enjoyed the words of wisdom that the father told her and shared with us. She was still our little girl. The father asked her if she wanted to say a few words and I could feel my eyes fill with that salty water. She thanked her parents for all that they had done for her. She appreciated their hard work and dedication that they had given. As tears ran down her face she thanked everyone for taking the time to be there sharing her moment. There I was remembering her with pigtails trying at three years to be a young adult. For so long it was just her. She was the only little being in our family. She grew up with her tias. She was well loved by all.

After church I went over and had my sisters tag along to make sure the reception hall was in order. She went like I like to say, cruise the streets with her friends in a hummer limousine. Here was a fifteen year old with a car filled with her friends that wanted her little ten year old brother to tag along. Not many fifteen year olds do that. Even though it was her day she made her little brothers day by having him enjoy the ride.

The time came for friends and family to gather to celebrate and dance the night away till morning. I enjoyed having all our guests share the dance floor, watched her perform with her cadets. We congregated and talked about family, about our birthday girl. How my sister managed to pull it off. How stressed my sister was to make it as perfect as possible. How my niece didn't want nothing to go wrong just so that she wouldn't disappointed us. She danced so elegantly and yet my father said "I didn't know she knew how to dance cumbias". I still don't know where she learned those cumbia dance moves. She had a great set of friends that shared the dance floor with her. I think I even learned some dance moves myself. If something wasn't perfect you couldn't tell because everything just seamed right.

I'll always remember her innocent look giving me a thumbs up on this day. A way of saying that everything was alright. She may have been tired but always kept her smile. Always had that special glow about her. All that mattered was her having the best time of her life. You only get one night why not let it be how you want to remember it years from now. We are a small family but we have many that made our family huge that night. I asked what she thought of her party. She was happy. Those words are what mattered.

So what if I woke up with blisters from dancing all night, or stayed till the tables were cleaned, or packed my car full of over packed centerpieces and left over things, because all that mattered was this one night. The one night in a girls lifetime that she gets to live it up.

We love you our little Gemita, always and forever.

a t-shirt never worn

I've been emptying my home of old memories. I came upon a bag of clothes. A bag of clothes given when someone from my past had passed. While going through the bag one shirt stood out and I kept it. It still had the tags from it never being worn.

I met with my sister half way to have lunch today. My dad sat on one side and my sister in front of me. I had washed the shirt and decided to wear it today. I asked my dad if he remembered Aunt Pat. You see Aunt Pat was a Great Aunt that passed away a couple of years back. My family knew of her through my past love. Here I was for the first time wearing a shirt she never got to wear. When I'd visit my past life family Miemie would wear the same shirt but in a different color. This morning when I put it on it reminded me of Miemie. How her and Aunt Pat, sisters had to have been shopping together and picked out the same shirt. Aunt Pat's was purple and Miemie was blue. Every time I visited Miemie she always wore her blue shirt. I always thought how cool it was for her to have this special Kool-Aid shirt. I'd own my own Kool-Aid shirt. Mine is a teal blue. How I in Texas had a teal blue one and her in Missouri had a blue one. Now I own a purple one. When I put it on all I could think about was Miemie. All I could think about was how Aunt Pat never got to wear hers. The two sisters never got to wear the matching shirts together.

I came home from my family time today about to take off my purple Kool-Aid shirt off when I had a message waiting for me to read. It was my used to be sister n law. She told me Miemie wasn't doing well. She will not make it much longer here on this cruel world. So as I'm about to take my shirt off I start to cry and start thinking about the last words I told Miemie. The last time I saw her she was sitting in her favorite chair working on a puzzle. I bent down to tell her goodbye and that I loved her. She always got sad to see us go but looked forward to our next visit. I said Miemie this would be my last time to see you. She got mad and told me not to say that. But I didn't have the heart to tell her what had been going on. I said Miemie I don't think you will ever see me again, she brushed it off and said don't say that. She asked why I'd say that but I was trying to fight my tears back. She said you are always welcomed but I new it would be the last time I'd see her.

My purple Kool-Aid shirt

I pray for her but especially a family that is no longer mine. The last words Laurie said to me were take this as a death. Take what my daughter did to you as if you lost in a form of death. I don't think she knew what she meant or how strong those words were to be imbedded in me. The death of someone to you personally will never be easy.

Miemie, you will always be in my heart. She may have been a strong hard headed woman but she always showed nothing but love since the first time I met her. Miemie maybe now you and Aunt Pat will be able to wear those matching Kool-Aid t-shirts you both were meant to wear one day. I love you Miemie, my chicken lover collector. Thank you Miemie for passing through a part of my life.

My First Taxi Ride

I listen to music a lot.  I don't watch TV unless it is a movie I pop in. My life is consumed by music. One day last year I heard a song, I loved it so much that I played it on repeat. I decided to listen to more songs by the artist. I found out they were coming to Texas. I knew I had to go to their concert. I put my days in at work. When they got approved I booked my hotel. When I paid for it I knew I couldn't back out. I still hadn't bought my ticket for the show but I told myself if it was meant to be then it will be. I live life this way. I plan for the randomness. The day came my first trip alone in fifteen years. I was both excited and nervous. I was going to drive myself by myself to my destination. The time came and I don't think my sisters believed I'd do it. My friends were excited for me. When I told my parents they thought I was going with someone. They were like, "Yeah right you are going alone". I said, "dad I'm following the music. I'm okay".

The Church I had stopped to photographed

Judah and the Lion

my latte from Espressivo Coffee

I left on time and arrived early. Did a little exploring downtown. Then I went to the venue to buy my ticket. It was meant to be, had the ticket in my hand. Every where I went I was surrounded by nice people. Even when I did my exploring, I stopped to ask questions. I left a poem I made in an exhibit held at the Culture Commons Gallery. My stops included a burger joint, a coffee shop, and a museum. The night came and the clerk at the desk told me it was cheaper to get a taxi to take me there. I waited for my taxi for forty five minutes but it still hadn't arrived. I wasn't going to make it on time. The lady at the desk asked if it was okay for them to take me. They don't have this service but didn't want me to miss my show. They took me and I made it two minutes late. They didn't want to take my taxi money.

the poem I left at the gallery

the Hope Outdoor Gallery

At first it was weird being by myself. By myself in a room filled with people waiting to see the performance. Once there I went to get me a drink. While I was at the bar a staff member came up to me and asked how I liked the venue. It was my first time here, I told him. He wanted me to have the best experience so he upgraded my ticket on the spot. I couldn't believe it. Once upgraded I made new friends that were there from Austin to hear them perform. When it was over it felt like I was in a movie script. I had found a way to get there but wasn't concerned on how to get back to my hotel. I know I don't have the Uber App. My sister telling me once there to down load it. I like doing things spontaneous and doing things the old way that I just told her I'd find a way. As soon as I walked out of the venue there was a taxi right in front of me. I asked if he was picking up, I got in and just like that I knew it was meant to be. The whole experience was special to me. I was never alone. You see when I went exploring downtown I went exploring down the wrong part of downtown. When I asked someone for directions he suggested I not be alone. He told me it wasn't safe for me to be walking alone. When he said that I looked over him and saw a statue of Jesus from the church I had just stopped to photograph. Every where I went on this trip I wasn't alone. I never am alone. Maybe there is a reason why that taxi never came to pick me up. I did call it twice to see where the driver was but they couldn't place him.

I will never forget this experience. My first of many to come. I told myself last year that I wanted to travel more this year and do things I still enjoy doing. I'm already planning my next one for March. I'm following the music up north. Of course if it is meant to be it will be. I've come along way from my past. There is a saying that goes "things happen for a reason". I believe they do. If you live your life right nothing but good things happen. I believe that we fall the hardest to make us get up and see what is truly meant to be. We don't understand the why until the mind is set free.

On my way back home I stopped at the Hope Outdoor Gallery. Somewhere I'd always wanted to go to for years. Its turning lucky forty this year and it will be demolished this June. What a coincidence.

What band was it that made me follow them to San Antonio...it was Judah and The Lion. It was an amazing show. They interacted with their audience and they love to dance. I'd do it all over again.
 

Hearts and Pan Dulce

Just incase I hadn't mentioned it before, I dislike the cold. I know the earth needs it to be cold it is a part of her seasons but for someone that likes to be outside the coldness burns me.

A yearly place I like to stop by is at the Bath House Cultural Center for their El Corazon Exhibit. It's their twenty fourth year dedicating February to heart related art in all forms. This year the theme was music but what I observed was more of an exhibition of broken hearts. More popular than I expected in todays way of life. I killed two birds with one stone, not really. I've been wanting to make it that way to feed the birds. Stand there and observe the tip of the lake, a form of meditation for me. Yes it was freezing but I'm never right in the head to begin with. Have you ever seen birds fight over bread? Even birds are stingy and don't want to share.

I'd get more but I have to watch my figure

This weather is always perfect for pan dulce.  Before heading home I decided to stop at the Panaderia del Sol. I remember going there when they first started their journey. It has grown since then. I walked in and found out a lot of people had the same idea as me. The line to check out was long. but no one was complaining because the bread was worth waiting. I always mind my own business but no matter where I go people really like to talk to me. Sometimes I try to make small talk but it doesn't work, so I just go with it. I figure they could have talked to anyone but they chose to talk to me.

My favorite piece there, poetry nailed to the heart

A man was getting bread for his family. We began talking but the most important part of the conversation was when he mentioned where he was from. He thought I wouldn't know the place. He got really excited when I told him I'd actually been there. You see he is from the State of Guerrero. My parents are from Guerrero. I've been there plenty of times in my life time. That's when we connected and started sharing stories. He hadn't been in ten years and he finally went to bury his father last year. He knows of the dangers that go with visiting, as do my family. But it's my parents home town where they grew up. I love going but I know that me going would one day not allow me to never make it back to my home here. When people hear the word Guerrero and know where this place is they automatically know it is a place filled with beautiful things and dangerous minds. It is a place that holds one of the seven wonders of the world. That is why he hadn't been in ten years. I was born here and know the risks but when I can I accompany my parents. Here was a man standing in line next to me at a bread store waiting to buy bread. A man I had never seen but something told him to talk to me and we connected at that level. Who would have thought I would be standing talking to a man born in a different part of America on a day like today exchanging stories that only we both would understand. This is why I just allow people to talk to me no matter where I happen to be. We left by saying we would continue our conversation the next time we would meet. He mentioned how the conversation was getting good right when it was his turn to check out. Joked how pan dulce helps contribute to diabetes and yet we are all packed in here for this bread.

I'll share a story with you, one that only I know and had never shared before. My dad built his house in the state of Guerrero. His house started as a mud house and he slowly saved his money to make it a concrete house, then added rooms to it. The house is on a corner of two dirt roads. One of my favorite memories was when we would visit and hear every other morning waking up to a truck hitting his horn driving on these dirt roads stopping at the houses selling bread. It would be a beat up truck with a camper. No matter where I was that morning when he came I would gather my pesos and go out and look at the back of the truck. He would have all kinds of breads on the back of the bed of the truck. That's one thing I miss doing to this day. No matter if it's sweet bread or just a plain bolillo I have always loved bread.

I enjoy hearing stories, that's why I always say tell me a story. I don't mean gossip I mean a true memorable event in your life. It was a good memorable ending to my day. February the tenth, some where the stars were lined up perfectly for two beings to cross paths at a bread store and were also at one point in time standing in the State of Guerrero.

a fortune cookie

It's always fun to pick a fortune from a table of more than one. The waiter gave us three fortune cookies and I was second to pick mine. Mine read "in the middle of a busy day, take some time to be a kid again."

This is the second fortune in less than three months that has come true. The first one is too personal to mention but it was a good fortune. We always read them wondering if they will come true. We try to somehow figure the hidden message it tells us. I got my fortune on Saturday and on Tuesday I was in a room with other adults coloring. There is a phrase for it, it is now called Adult Coloring because if we say we went coloring it wouldn't sound right, right. They had several coloring books and we got to pick what we wanted. I glanced over the books and when she said that it was okay to cut the page out I knew I had to cut wonder woman out from the comic book. The reasoning behind Adult Coloring is to release stress and a form of relaxation. I just like coloring. I've always like coloring but now it is normal to do it in public with other people. It is normal to do it when you are a kid but once you become an adult it seams all the things you liked doing you have to stop because it is no longer okay.

check out the red lips

I made a new friend in the process, we plan on meeting again next month to color.

As adults we get excited when we see things that reminds us of our past. Like when I see a package of Mamba or Now and Laters. It always reminds me of being a kid. When I would walk to the store down the street just to buy them. Then it starts a series of memories of being a kid and how it would be fun at times to be a kid again. We were so young not realizing we would have to grow up one day. Not realizing that it all would change. How when you are a kid you want to hurry and grow up just to realize how innocent that wish you would want to take back.

I think that is why grandparents have a better relationship with their grandkids because it allows them to be kids again.

As I'm writing this I'm eating Cracker Jacks. When I was a kid I would get excited just to get the prize inside.

My God Daughter always sends me artwork in the mail. When she saw this she asked if I colored it for her. I've sealed it and off it goes to her.

We tell our little ones to stay young as long as they can. No hurry in growing up. But no matter what we say society has already told them to stop being a kid and grow up.
  
It's okay to be a kid again. I was able to step back in time and come back to being an adult. No harm done.

A new years kiss at midnight

It had been a month when I realized I'd be off on new years from work. Hadn't been off in a very long time. Excited I wanted something to do. Whether it was with friends or alone. I decided to look for a lipstick, preferably a silver color. I came upon a black and a white one. I ended buying both.

I'd made a comment that wherever I was I'd kiss the person next to me. I'd have me a kiss at midnight after all.

The day came December 31, 2017. It was time to choose where I'd spend my night and with whom I'd get my kiss. I narrowed it down to two burlesque shows. One was at the Texas Theatre and the other was at Wits End in Deep Ellum. Guess which one I picked?  Yep, the one in Deep Ellum. Arrived all in black well more like the lady in red because of my coat. The show started late but then again nothing starts on time anymore. Scoped the place out since it was my first time there. I sat at the bar with a perfect view to everything. That seat was waiting for me. I'm not familiar with adult beverages so the way I choose a drink is by asking the bartender to make me a sweet drink. He said "anything?"  He made me a peach cobbler, it had five mixings and all I could remember were the vodka and lemon juice. I had two, that was my limit for driving solo. I people watched till the show started. Kind of fun having people surprisingly bump me just to touch my arm to tell me they were sorry. I know they really wanted to feel my muscle. Saw multiple selfies being taken to prove they spent the new years at the a club. How one guy wasn't into his date but he had to have one on new years, you know.

peach cobbler

When I'm alone I notice that people look after me. From the guy that is important wearing his silver hat to the bartender checking on me making sure I was okay. After my limit the bartender gave me a glass of water. I got up to go to the bathroom and he took my water back and said he'd watch it for me. That my friends is a good bartender. I hadn't realized how it could have went wrong had I left my water on the counter to go to the bathroom if not for him looking out. At the end of the show the whole place was getting ready for the countdown. The staff were passing out new years hats, beads, and streamers. I choose beads I'd already had my hat. They gave everyone a cup of champagne to toast. Had mine in my hand ready for my midnight kiss. You see I had a date but my date couldn't make it out this night. The countdown began and I couldn't believe just like that it was over. The year was gone. The last few seconds weren't filled with memories like it had all these years. I wanted to stay till the end. Something I think I will enjoy for new years to come.  All I could think about was getting my new years kiss by that special person. I drank my champagne at midnight and left.

Burlesque at the Wits End

My sisters worried that I had gone out alone. Gone to a place I'd never been before but I'm stubborn. I pretty much do what I want. I just don't let my parents in on that part of my life. No matter how old I am they'd worry.

black lipstick won

So the question you may still be asking me is if I ever got my new years kiss? That's all I could think of as I was driving to my destination. So when I arrived twenty minutes later, still being within the hour of a brand new day. That kiss meant more than just a kiss at midnight. My life is full of surprises that I make for myself and I love all of it.

Happy New Years my friends another year still writing from time to time, thank you. May this even numbered year be all that you need to be happy.

Did I mention I love Barbeque.....thank you

Isn't it crazy how the year is almost over. I don't know about you but a lot has happened to me but I have plenty to be thankful for.

It's tradition when spending thanksgiving with my family to open a bottle of alcohol. Be it wine, champagne, or a shot. My dad buys something new and that night we all share the beverage. We all pour some in our glass and we go around the room and each one of us says what we are thankful for.

This bottle of Barefoot wine was delicious

I cried when it wasn't even my turn. My father starts and we go around the room. Glad that I was still here alive and living. My brother n laws also say what they are thankful for. It's an all family tradition. God is so good to me to have blessed me in many ways even by giving me the men that married my sisters. Never had I thought I'd see the day that I would need from them. You always need your sisters but I hadn't needed my brothers too. They have been such a huge part of my support system. Started with Ruben, he wants me to be happy no matter whom I choose in life. Someone to be by my side no matter what. He knows I love barbeque so he makes sure to cook out when I go visit. He tells me he is happy to see how strong emotionally I am and is thankful that I've been able to independently make it. Fernando, has been there since day one by helping me with my home. I'd call him and even though he had just got off work, he would stop by to help me. He also likes to barbeque for me. He would never want me to be alone at home so he would want me to come over just to even watch TV. Jose I'd never heard him speak his mind and that night he wanted me to know he was thankful to finally see me smile. He says I'm a changed person. You can see a certain glow about you and all you need is someone to share it with. He backs me up with my life choices. I cried, I did. It was an emotional night. I'm in no hurry to find someone to love me for me. I'm just enjoying the people I get to meet along the way. Even then God has sent some interesting people my way.

My family is all I have and I have a very caring one. They will always be there for me cheering me on in the good times and be by my side in the hard struggles of life. I couldn't have asked for more.

I am well loved, well fed, and well thought of. They see me be a strong being. One day they will see me smile in a different way and they will know that it's because I'd find true happiness. God knows I deserve the best and in the meantime I am quite okay.

So I thank God everyday for always being by my side. I thank him for always finding a way to show me that he hasn't abandoned me. I thank him because the original six is continuously growing. I thank God because one thing is for sure is that I won't ever go hungry because my family loves to cook for me.

I may be poor but I am filthy rich in more ways than you can imagine. I'm truly grateful. Thank you

another year of self love

It's a subject that doesn't get discussed as it should. Maybe we don't want to hear about it or if it doesn't pertain to you personally, why care.

I learned of the movement To Write Love on Her Arms Day a couple of years back. I tried to teach others of what it meant. It was my first tattoo that I got. It meant something to me. It meant to look down at my arm as a constant reminder to love myself. You have to always love yourself. No one will love you like you love you. Only you can understand the real feelings that only you know to have. I make it aware every year to have others remind themselves that they are loved. Remind them that there is help.

There are things in life that will happen that don't go as planned. There will be failures that you didn't even think would happen. I used to think why would someone commit suicide. Why would they leave their family with such sadness. Why would they be so selfish as to take the easy way out. I'd be the one fighting to keep you here. This world is beautiful yet cruel. The world can give you everything you can desire and can easily take it all away.

I don't push the issue anymore. I do it for myself. It took the world to take something from me to have me realize that I can not have it all. I'm no one to make those decisions about ones life. I'd like to know that I'm here to hear your sorrows but I don't know what I would say. No one can determine how deep someones mind is, full of demons that allows their heart to be blocked of self love. Everyone deals with life differently. Some beings are stronger than others. Some only know to give up.

It is sad to know when someone commits this act to end the pain that they are going through. But unless you have felt that black deep pain filled with a hollow sadness then you don't know a thing. You can not judge a life. You can be mad and think about what you could have done to prevent it.

Has every single person on this earth thought about it at one point in their life? How many times? To what extent? Only the select few in my life have known the demons I've fought and at times continue to battle.

The question you should ask is, how strong can a person be to continue to struggle, living day to day and overcoming those feelings.

Don't just be the ear to listen to. Don't just be the arms to lean in for a hold. Actually be there next to them and hold their hand and try to feel just a smear pinch of what they need you to feel to understand. To understand what possibly goes through their mind that allows their heart to block the love with pain.

where did the crackers go?

I brought home some groceries the other day and left my box of crackers on the table. I only had eaten two packages from the box.

I hadn't put Sadie in a crate for months now. I had let her roam the house while I was at work. She deserved the freedom. She was enjoying this brand new freedom.

One day last week I came home to no crackers on the table. I was like.... where did my crackers go? Sadie just looked at me. I looked every where knowing something was up. Well I found two wrappers on the couch. Yes she had managed to get the box off the table and brought it to the couch to feast. Not one packaged survived from the box. I don't know how she managed to eat some of the wrappers.

I was upset but more hilariously upset than angry. I said....well Sadie you lost your freedom for a while. Into the crate you go tomorrow.

She had a birthday yesterday. She turned nine. I've had her for nine years and think about all the stuff she has lived. She has practically done all she has done as a dog and probably more than your usual dog life. She loves the beach just like her mother. She loves crackers just like her mother and she gets what she wants. A rebel like her mother.

The wrapped box of crackers

The pink cookie she licked until she knew it was safe to eat

So guess what I got for her birthday. Yup, I bought her own box of crackers and wrapped them up. I sure did. Happy Birthday Sadie you taught me that I can not ever leave anything at your mouths reach. You are one smart dog just like your mother.

How many candles do I blow

Someone didn't know when their birthday was today.

For many reasons some of us as we get older we don't celebrate birthdays. I'll give you mine as an example. The older I get the less important it is to celebrate. This year I was accompanied by my sister. I didn't expect to do anything considering the circumstances but she wanted to take me out to eat. I normally just would have gone by myself. I would have sat in a restaurant and had me an adult beverage by myself. You see that past two years even though I had a partner in my life she didn't celebrate my birthday. If it wasn't important to her then why was it important to me.

I do think birthdays are important. That's why I try my best to surprise my sisters with cake and remind my friends with a gift that they are in my thoughts on their special day. Today is my baby sisters birthday. She spent it with her husband and a play date with her son. That's all she really wanted. Last week it was my God Child's birthday so I of course had to get her a piñata.

There are so many birthdays celebrated on a daily basis. I went out to eat with my friend on Sunday and there at the restaurant they sang Happy Birthday to a birthday girl.

This is my God Child and as long as I'm alive I'll do anything for her.

I was at work when I had to ask a person when their birthday was to enter it in the system. He looked to be younger than me. He asked me if I really needed it. I said, yes. He told me he didn't know when his birth date was. I gave him that look like....really, and said "you don't know the day you were born"? He pulled out his wallet to check the date on his drivers license. Then I realized he was telling me the truth. I couldn't shake that thought out of my mine. So I responded and said "don't worry I don't celebrate my birthday either I forget how old I am at times".

He began to tell me that he lives here alone. Came to this country to help raise his siblings back home. He is the older brother and when his siblings need money he sends all that he can. His parents no longer live so he became the adult and provides for them back home. Since his parents no longer live and his family isn't here he has no reason to celebrate. He said...."why buy a cake when there is no one to share it with". So he doesn't know when he was born. He hadn't celebrated it in years. I wanted to reach out and celebrate a late birthday with him but it wasn't my place. You see my birthday is July 25 and his birthday was July 20. He was ten years younger than me and we both had that same feeling about our birthdays.

Some people have their reasons for not celebrating certain things that others will over due just to say Happy Birthday to you. One day maybe not today but when we are old we will sit alone at the table and think how old am I that no one is here anymore to wish me a happy birthday.

Make a wish and blow out the candles. In his place what would he have wished for? Think about it.